I chew chewing gum fiercely when I've had enough. when I quit, my drama queen daughter did not live with me. She was my biggest trigger. We got her on antipressants years ago, but habits can die hard. I've found that increasing my omega 3's and adding additional B12 helps. Also used something called True Calm by NOW, another homeopathic. But getting back to drama. I used to engage in her drama. We'd go round and round for hours on end. Now after she's back home again, she says something that trips my trigger, I just get up and say I'm done discussing this. I've stated my point and you can do with it what you will. at that exact moment I relinquished control. She could chase me around the room, and trust me it would be at a very slow pace, but I'm not engaging anymore any longer. I find my private corner and practice deep breathing or distract myself with something else. But you do need to put your thinking cap on and think of ways to end the yelling at least on your end and calm thyself. They figure it out eventually when they no longer get the response out of you like they were expecting to do. But it sounds like he's your biggest trigger or you're simply making him one. Trust me, when you no longer fall into it, they don't yell as much. It takes a while but it works.
The reason why I gave that long drawn out story is that the situation with him will come around again. Reaching for that nicotine gum is not your answer. Your brain is telling you it is because that's what took care of it before. If you want to stay quit, live a smoke free life free from nicotine, you need to come up with ways to cope with the major stressors of the day. When I first quit, I went through the My Quit Plan and went through the steps like they said I should, but I missed an important component. I never filled out the section about when tracking my cigarettes, identifying my triggers, the part of how I plan to separate myself. Sure, I could put the same thing for every one of them, and I think I checked off every single one, but it wouldn't get me anywhere. I'm not teaching my brain to associate that "thing" with the replacement for 1), the trigger and 2) the emotion it ignites. The purpose of that section is to train yourself to do something else other than smoking when you have coffee or when you're mad or when you're bored. As you keep doing the same thing over and over, in this instance sticking a piece of gum in when I'm frustrated, the thought of smoking never pops in my head anymore. The thought of where did I lay that pack of gum does. When I'm bored, I start a new crochet project or research one.
Sure, the withdrawal probably won't be as bad, but then aren't you constantly putting yourself in withdrawal by grabbing for that nicotine gum? Every time something happens that gets to be too much, you're going to be running to the store and buying nicotine gum instead of buying cigarettes that have nicotine in it. You're doing the exact same thing. Instead of buying a pack, you're buying nicotine gum. That moment in time with your son has you crawling the walls, but once you distance yourself, calm yourself, don't allow that situation to be able to control you or you controlling the situation, the frustration passes. It's worked for me and I had a boatload of apprehension when the drama queen returned back home over a year ago.
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