I'm ashamed and embarrassed. I was supposed to have met 100 dof, but I had dropped out of sight. I smoked. Not everyday, but at least 1-2 times a month since the new year. I know what my trigger is: feelings of extreme stress and depression. And my mind tells me that I can't possibly survive that stress without smoking. I don't drink or smoke pot. Cigarettes have been my last refuge when my life blows apart.
I'm sorry that I let myself and this community down.
I truly want to trust that I can withstand any stressor on my own 2 feet without smoking. I know this is my responsibility. And I will work on reaching out for help and support. I'm doing a great job of beating myself up about this...and need to turn it around with positive action (posting and being real about this addiction).
I'm on day 8 of not smoking right now.