I'm gritting my teeth and pulling out all the stops. No smoking today. Not one puff. I want and need to stay clean.
There is no reason to smoke. There are only reasons to quit.
It's that simple and yet this addiction is so complicated. The nicodemon whispers in my ear that "it's okay." but it's not. Smoking is never okay. Not in my book.
Plan for today:
- Run errands, or at least go to the bank. That's close and it has to be done.
- Cut fabric strips for my kitchen stuff.
- Walk outside (it's going to be gorgeous here today in Virginia).
- Eat simply.
- Fold laundry... again.
- Go to my volunteer thing tonight. It's also close and I won't stop for cigs, daggumit!
- Brush my teeth.
- Break out some of the mints I bought for this occasion. It is an occasion, after all. A celebration. It is not a wake. It is not a funeral.
- Reread the how and why of it all as much as I need to.
I feel a cranky time coming on. I don't feel deprived. I do feel like I need to be completely on guard today.
I know I'm not alone when I say I wish I had never started smoking.
Okay, off the pity train and back to reality.