How to deal with smoking friends?

[tryinmydarndest]

My husband, who still smokes, invited friends who also smoke, to stay with us for the weekend. I know what this means- spending all evening outside, having some drinks and smoking. Because I’m 51 days in and in No Man’s Land, I know this will be too hard for me to be around... should I stay inside and pout (cause that’s what I’d do), go out of town to see family, or try to test my strength and hang out with my friends???

[anaussiemom]

I don't think it's necessary to test yourself in anyway. If you want to visit, go visit.  If you don't want to be around smokers, or visit, just dont!

I don't think it's in anyway positive to test yourself.  Take good care of you.  We cannot change anyone, as all us women know.

Nurture you! However you want to go about it, is your choice. 

xo Kim

[tryinmydarndest]

Thank you, Kim. You’re definitely right... I know I’m not thinking clearly right now so talking about it helps. I still don’t know what to do, and I know I can’t avoid these situations forever. Now is probably not the best time to test myself, so good call.  

[Jennifer-Quit]

I think that you need to do whatever is necessary to protect your quit.  You have come too far to start over so don't let their bad habits influence you.  

[MamaCanuck]

When I was planning my quit, I thought a lot about how I was going to tell my partner and smoker friends and thought "what would I like to hear if it was the other way around?" I realized it was important to assure them that this was my quit, I wasn't going to suddenly turn into an anti-smoking crusader harping on them to do likewise, but that they could support me and ways how. Maybe propose a change to the routine. Set up a smoke-free social space inside and invite them to stay and visit with you, but let them know outside is still a smoking area. Just a suggestion, you never know, they might just fall into old habit right away, or they might like hanging out and visiting in the new environment and only going outside to smoke.

[tryinmydarndest]

I didn’t think about that in advance. But wow that’s a very insightful approach. I know I wouldn’t want to be judged for smoking, and I am not judging them either. I think a combination of depression, anxiety, and feeling left out is causing me to fear this weekend so much. 

[MamaCanuck]

You're absolutely right to think ahead and good luck! I don't know if this will help, but I have a friend who quit smoking before I did. When she came to visit last I asked her "is it okay if I do this in front of you?" and she said that was fine, she was long enough into her quit, she was cool with that. So we sat outside, like we always used to do, and I ended up hardly smoking and not missing it. I'd been so worried about whether to smoke or not to smoke in front of her, I'd forgotten we had a whole lot of other stuff in common as friends too! And her example helped me realize "hey, I could quit too." I'd been telling myself forever that I should, but the realization that I could helped me to just do it and get to the almost 2 weeks of freedom I'm at today. 

[elvan]

Great way to look at it MamaCanuck‌, I have not turned into a rabid nonsmoker but I WILL protect my quit at all costs, I have no choice.  I have half of each lung left and I do not want to feed the COPD, I want to take as good care of myself as I possibly can, I did an enormous amount of damage and I HAVE to try to keep what I have left as healthy as possible.  I do not get angry with others for smoking, I remember that it did not do any good for people to get angry with me or to make snide comments.  I just quietly take care of myself and that's what we all have to do.  Take care of ourselves, we each own our own quits and while no one can quit for you, no one can MAKE you smoke either.  One step at a time...

[crazymama_Lori]

My thoughts are to let your friends know that you've just quit and you'd like to also spend time visiting with them.  I know my anticipation of the events far outweighed what they actually turned out to be.  For sure no drinking, but see how it goes if you feel up to it.  I was fine at almost 2 months into it to be around smokers, but only you know.  I know when you deprive yourself of something, then you miss it all the more.  there's no need to sulk.  I'm sure there's other activities you can do besides being outside all the time

[TW517]

I spent a lot of time apologizing to my smoking friends on why I couldn't join them on the patio, at the bar, in the garage, etc.  I took 100% of the blame saying I didn't trust myself, and hoped to have the confidence in my quit to be around their smoking soon.  I never said anything about them leaving me alone when they would go smoke.  And I noticed they went far fewer times.