I am 2 weeks into my quit- is it normal to be this depressed?

[cat52]

I have been feeling extremely low this week. I am having difficulty sleeping, but can hardly bring myself to get up either. I am not really hungry and in general feel unbelievably sad. I cried so much the last 2 days that my eyelids are swollen this morning. Some background- I am 52 yrs old and have smoked about a pack a day for 36 yrs. I have attempted to quit a couple times before, but always made excuses to give back in within a few days. My husband chain smokes and my oldest daughter who has alcohol addiction problems and mental health issues also smokes. I have wanted to quit for so long...I hated myself for smoking and my 3 other children have pleaded with me to quit. I work in healthcare and constantly had to hide my smoking and avoided people and situations where I could not smoke. I recently got diagnosed with high blood pressure and had developed a cough after a bout with the flu that I could not shake. I finally decided on my birthday 2weeks ago to quit smoking for good and have stuck with it ever since. I started the patch and use sunflower seeds, gum, straws, hard candy, etc to help with my cravings. I'm not saying the first week was easy, but I felt better and very proud of myself. I even decreased my 6 cans of diet soda habit per day for just one can-I always smoked and had soda together so I found I did not even want the soda anymore. After one week of cutting the caffeine and nicotine, my blood pressure went to normal and I lost 5 lbs! I felt confident and relieved that I no longer had to hide and be a phony. I started educating myself on this addiction and found out all my beliefs about needing cigarettes to keep me calm were a myth...the withdrawal between smokes is what made me nervous to begin with!!!

After a week, my daughter who has issues with bipolar, alcohol addiction, etc created a huge crisis that tempted me to smoke, but I got on here and got a lot of support and resisted temptation to light up. I was so proud of myself because she has always been my main "excuse" to keep smoking. A few more days went by and I ran out of patches, From my reading about nicotine addiction, I started thinking maybe I should stop the patch because technically  I was still giving my body the drug it wanted and it almost felt like I was cheating. The first couple days were bearable, but by the third day (Friday) I was so emotional and sad that I could not hardly stand it. Yesterday, I was so depressed and kept crying about all the drama going on with my daughter. I know cigarettes can not take the drama away, but I am wondering if I am really this down from that or is it from the nicotine withdrawal? I went out and got my mail today and I got some patches in the mail that the quit help line sent - I did not realize my insurance would cover them. I put one on about an hour ago and I must say I feel a little calmer already. I feel disappointed in myself- kinda like I cheated. I am sorry to keep rambling on. Just need to vent and let everybody know where I am coming from. Has anyone successfully used the patch and maintained quitting after the 8 weeks of stepping down to lower doses? My fear is that I am just postponing "withdrawal hell". Thanks for taking the time to read all this....your support means a lot. Cat 52

[Lisaml]

Hi there!!! I am sorry you're going through such a rough spot! 

First and foremost, congratulations on making a great decision for YOU!! I'm inspired by your strength!! 

Is it normal to be depressed? I think while not "normal", it is quite common. 

The only person that would know about the degree of depression is YOU. You know yourself best.  I can say, if you are crying so much that your eyelids are swollen, I would tend to advise you to see your family doctor. Especially if this continues. 

As for the patches, they are NOT cheating!!!

they are a quit AID. Take any and all help you need! 

Just hold on to your quit. 

I can't speak to specifics when using the patches long term, but I would assume a gradual decline in nicotine levels is going to be more comfortable than cold turkey. 

Habg in there!!!!!!

[anaussiemom]

It seems from what I have read very normal.   Get detailed info, whyquit.com.  You will be amazed at the Neurological"  side of addiction.   The Hot LIne is great too.  You are succeeding!    Your reaching out, your doing it perfectly! IMO.

[indingrl]

Thanks Cat52 and you are doing FANSTASTIC.... you DO what you CAT52 gotta do to NOT TAKE THAT FIRST PUFF OVER YOU and screw FALSE guilt!!! I used the nicotine patch... the lady on tv ad made it look so cool and she was calm and said her hair smelled better so I was SOLD.... please I AM talking about ME not anyone else so please take what HELPS and let go of the rest thank you... I put patch on as read instructions said... went to work at a HUGE retail chain and it was MY lunch time... I worked right thru break... this happened YEARS ago...usually I used nicotine on break...2 cigs SUCKED ON QUICKLY.... anyway NOT this day so I was happy I didnt USE MY DRUG NICOTINE! Now lunch time and I go to check on MY patch upper outside of arm I put on this morning and it is GONE!!!! I was FREAKING OUT... see I read ALL the instuctions and the WARNINGS of IF you smoke on patches deathly ill....IF a child finds an eats it they will die.... MY WORDS IN MY MIND.....I went up and down aisles LOOKED in all the work areas where I worked of that HUGE store.... LOOKING and PRAYING to God ... TO FIND MY PATCH.... Dear God I dont want a kid to find and die.... I was SICK physically mentally emotionally and spiritually....I let MY feelings lead ME and I went out and USED MY DRUG cuz NOW MY insanity had RETURNED for MY thoughts were violently WILD crazy insane thinking...thoughts of...I will be arrested for a kid eating MY NICOTINE PATCH! anyway I finished the work day and went home and found the NICOTINE PATCH had slide into MY arm pit... I launghed and laughed... joy I found it and no kid ate it and died and I didnt die using patch and using DRIG NICOTINE!!! HOW MY MIND worked right into OLD SOLUTION just use your DRUG NICOTINE TO COPE! NO ONE is perfect at TRYING to quit the point is WE never give up TRYING and for ME by Gods grace I received a COLD TURKEY QUIT on Jan 6, 2011.... yet that is a whole dofferent BLOG story... amen..just sharing the LOVE Cat52 and please you keep on keeping on ONE day at a time and crying! Its OK and I was told I was grieving the loss of MY BEST FRIEND DRUG NICOTINE... suggested to wrote a goodbye letter for closure on that relationship that was an early death for ME... I obeyed wrote letter and kept moving forward... just like your doing one foot in front of the other. Thank you for helping ME to remember I am NOT alone and I too vented tons of blogs and STAYED QUIT NO MATTER WHAT! CONGRATS CAT52  A GREAT VICTORY FOR YOU  cuz its an inside job yahoooooo for YOU Cat52!

[maryfreecig]

      No you didn't cheat. Get off the cigarettes--follow instruction with the patches...don't try to race to the finish line. And please don't try to brave withdrawals. No, I am not simply recommending nicotine replacement therapy--but that is what you chose as part of your quit method--so please consider the recommended course of treatment as proscribed by the patches. Two weeks without smoking, Amen to that. Yes you can, one day at a time.

[anaussiemom]

One more thing.  Everybody's quit is Unique.   We all use different methods.  Whatever you use to quit, is a personal choice.  Stay strong

Sending Loving Prayers

Kim

[anaussiemom]

You can try this. A hotline

800-QUIT-NOW (800-784-8669)

All states have quitlines with counselors who are trained specifically to help smokers quit. Call this number to connect directly to your state’s quitline. Hours of operation and services vary from state to state

[minihorses]

Hi cat52.  I hope you are feeling better now.  Everyone is different so don't feel like you should or shouldn't feel one way or another or have the same reactions as someone else.  I'm over 3 months and still struggling with depression, partly from quitting, partly from bipolar hell, partly from trying to learn how to be a non-smoker.  I don't know when or if the depression will get better, I just know smoking won't make it go away as much as I'd like to think it could.  So I stay smoke-free.  It's all in how you look at it so try tilting the mirror a few different ways when you get in a rough spot and see if you can find a shiny sliver of light to brighten up your view.  I see mine, it just mocks me lately.

[Giulia]

"withdrawal hell" really has to do with your mindset to begin with.  I think the most successful long-term quitters on here wouldn't allow themselves  to fall into that emotional frame of reference for any length of time. For myself - I geared up for the journey by educating myself through reading other's experiences.  By learning and understanding the nature of the addiction and what I'd be in for.   I figured there would be a bit of "withdrawal hell" but  I'd get over it.  I'd quit too many times in the past to not know there is a bit of hell in the quitting process.  But I decided, with this last quit,  I was willing to put up with it for as long as it took to get over it.  I really just didn't want to go through another Day One.  And we all know, if we don't hang onto our quits, we're going to have to gear up for another Day One.  Because we all know that quitting is killing us and we need to stop smoking.  And so we will continue to try. And it's very ironic that we're miserable as smokers and equally miserable as quitters.  Otherwise why would we spend so much time trying to quit???!!!    The difference is - once you've quit and gotten over it - you're no longer miserable.  You're GRATEFUL! 

Wish I could try to help with the main gist of your question in the blog, but I feel "low" a lot of times.  And felt that way when I smoked and when I didn't.  No difference whatsoever.  

If the patch helps you - USE IT!  But use it for the proscribed amount of time.  Don't think of it as "cheating."  That's simply defeating.  But don't think of it as a magic bullet either.  It's not.  It's just giving you some nicotine to aid in getting off the nicotine you get by smoking.  It's a replacement.  Conquering the emotional/behavioral conditioned response doesn't happen in two weeks.  Nor four.  Nor eight.  Getting over our triggers takes  time.   And a behavioral adjustment.  We have to learn a new way of being, acting, doing - all without a cigarette in our hands. If you smoke for 20 years with your coffee, do think you're suddenly not going to think about a cigarette or want one every time you have a cup of coffee?   Of course not.  TIME is the cure.  Although it doesn't take 20 years to unlearn the coffee trigger.  But some seasonal triggers (going to the superbowl game and smoking with friends, for example) can take longer because they only happen once a year.

It's awful feeling depressed.  Too many of us understand what that feels like.  And I'm sorry your daughter is perhaps the major stress agent excuse to go back to your old smoking ways.  But you're so far ahead in this process knowing that she IS your main excuse and knowing that it's likely she always will be so.  You knew what to do to conquer it.  You got on here, you got support, you resisted temptation...  that's what we all have done.  Reaching out for support and educating ourselves are what can make the difference in a long-term quit.  

Don't despair.  Tears are a normal part of this process for many.  As Dale always says "they water the cheeks," and are not a bad thing.  They help to expunge stress and negative emotions.

Hang tight.  It WILL get easier.  Promise.

[Jennifer-Quit]

I successfully quit by using the patch for 6 weeks - and did not go thru "withdrawal hell" when I stepped down and eventually quit using the patch.  It eased my withdrawal symptoms while I got used to life without smoking   This addiction is not only physical but also psychological.   Using the patch is an aid and will not do it for you - you still have to work your quit - it helped me with concentration and irritability.  Lastly - using the patch is not cheating.  You are only cheating if you continue to smoke after you have quit.  Best wishes to you.