Please I am talking about ME not anyone else. Please take what helps and let go of the rest. Thank you. IN THE PAST I know I would have used PACKS of cigs to get ME through MY 32 daughter in ICU from alcoholism.... please do NOT text ME IF YOUR daughter or son doesn't have the disease of alcoholism allergy addiction and at this now moment I hate alcohol and I hate alcoholism the DISEASE society doesnt WANT to understand because their child isnt dying from alcohol addiction allergy or cuz they suck on alcohol to cope!!!! Fyi only by Gods grace 31vyears in Alanon recovery group for co- dependancy in MY words AKA for NOT minding my own business and playing God in other peoples lives... MY words...only by Gods grace May 22, 1987 30 years recovery from alcohol and Jan 6, 2011 7 years healed nicotine and 6 years of recovery of coffee addiction... 12 years healed of chocolate addiction... so recovery addictions is MY lifestyle to this very present moment for ME! FYI healed of eating disorders since 1988...healed of breast and bladder cancers ... healed of cirrhosis of the liver and MY gallbladder healed in 2005! YES!!! supernatural miracles by MY Lord Jesus who healed ME! For ME I believe trust and obey by the Holy Spirit doing in ME what I wll NOT do for MYself keep ME focused on My Lord Jesus who is alive and lives BIG in ME and I love God cuz God first love ME and only by Gods grace of course! God offers this free gift of salvation to any one! Now IN MY PAST.... PAST.... lifestyle I used TONS of nicotine to get ME through hard emotional mental spiritual times... OLD THOUGHTS ....I deserve a smoke break!!!! NOW I BLOG like a woman dying of THIRST...THIRST for this NOT be MY REALITY... tons of people lose their kids everyday.... I KNOW FACTS yet this is MY REALITY and I admit I AM IMMATURE I AM NOT YOU WHO ARE MORE BIBLE MATURE I AINT USING YET!!!! I am very immature spiritually and emotionally and mentally and physically I ate 3 bowls of spaghetti last night and 4 pieces of garlic bread and it didnt CHANGE any thing except comfort ME at that moment and gave ME a bigger butt.... please I AINT TALKING ABOUT ANYONE BUT ME... I become insane in MY thoughts of woulda coulda shoulda and then I remembered I was taught to STOP shoulding on MYself your HUMAN aint ya! One must keep your sense of humor and not take MYself so seriously thats what I was taught and TRY to practice...MY REALITY is when or if not MY 32 yr old daughter may or may NOT die of alcoholism... please I KNOW her choice blah blah blah.... yes I KNOW CHOICES....blah blah blah ..I gotta walk what I blog. I gotta walk MY talk! I do know IF it wasnt for ALL here and your everyday BLOGS for ME to read to get through MY REALITY would suck even MORE so please please please keep blogging everyone it helps ME to REMAIN quit with you and ALL of you give ME the fruit of H...is for Hearing and O is for Others and P is for Peoples and E is for experience! H.O.P.E.... HearingOtherPeoplsExperience this is MY REALITY today YOU ALL ARE MY HOPE and I am not alone in needing people to love ME at MY worse and MY REALITY I dont know IF God will take MY daughter to heaven or heal her NON FUNCTIONING LIVER or her DISEASED HEART I trust God for my 32 yr old daughter is Christs Jesus and Christ is Gods other than that I am in shock.... MY reality sucks at this moment NO WORRIES Mikes good morning gratitude blogs SAVED ME this morning and every morning since this past wednesday when MY 32yr daughter went to ER cuz she was throwing up blood from alcoholism a disease of addiction allergy to alcohol its REAL and MY REALITY and ALL I have to deal with is today ...I tell MYself just don't use nicotine as MY excuse in this now moment just because WE have no way to get to colorado now and payday isnt until Jan 18 and after paying to live there isnt enough to make the trip food lodging and gas so WE accept MY REALITY God knows our situation and only by Gods grace WE aint going to Colorado ICU hospital or into MORE debt either!!!! Our financial boundaries we set to live on buget within what we make cash reality we chose and REMAINING quit no matter what while dealing in MY REALITY with the disease of alcoholism SUCKS yet it is doable...it is MY CHOICE to keep trusting God for OUR outcome in ALL situations of our Christ Jesus lifestyle walking day by day yet... ..MY thoughts because I AM IMMATURE AND A WOUNDED ANIMAL AT MOMENTS of MY now NEW day...I CRY out to God what IF ....... MY what if...if could go to eternity and FACT not MY feelings I know ME and I am just looking for someone or something to blame and there is NO ONE to blame because life just jumps out of the bushes at ME and this time life STOMPED on MY HEART... this NEW day in MY time its real its facts and MY mommie heart is bleeding the UNKNOW TEST OF FAITH to keep on keeping on and believe..trust ..obey God of MY own free will... walk MY talk or give in to self pity and use this as MY excuse to use nicotine or to walk MY talk and BLOG before I take that first PUFF over ME!!!! So please know MY REALITY now it just plain hurts!!!!! I am grateful she is saved but I would rather she live to finish being mommie loving to her 10 yr old son and 15 yr old daughter SOBER of couse YES I know what the Bible says yet WALKING the talk at this moment of MY REALITY dealing alcoholism just plain sucks!!!!! Thanks for letting ME bend your EARS!!!!! Well I aint USING nicotine other than that please know I appreciate your prayers for my daughter thank you!!!