NML & Inbetweener Weekly Check In – 1/1/2018

[Roller831]

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over, and over, and over again - expecting a different result." - Albert Einstein

We have this discussion every Monday to offer encouragement and camaraderie to those in NML, basically months 2-3-4 of a quit and those who have not yet hit their first year of smobriety. Regardless of how long you’ve been quit, anyone who likes the conversation and wants to offer support is welcome to participate!

We are happy if you just stop by to say hi and let us know you are still with us in NML and Inbetweener land.  Feel free to offer up ideas on topic question and I will include them in next week’s post!  Stop by daily or as often as you like!  Don’t forget to post to the https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/thread/17097-the-daily-pledge-january-2018 ! 

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This week’s topic: Goals!

What is it about the New Year that everyone is motivated to make massive changes, only to give up come February 1st?
I'm not a fan of New Years Resolutions, but I am a fan of a sound approach to goal setting. 
While most New Years Resolutions never work (97% of the time, they actually don't!) it's not the Resolution that's the problem; it is the approach to goal setting.

1.  List your 3 top goals for 2018.

2.  List the 3 top ways you want to feel in 2018.

3.  List the 3 most important/valued areas of your life.

Compare #2 to #1 - Do you notice anything?  Are they aligned?

Compare #1 to #3 - Do you notice anything?  Are they aligned?

If these are not aligned, you might need to re-think something.  Your goals should help with the feelings you want and support the most important/valued areas of your life.  If they don't they are likely not to be achieved.

ENJOY the journey through NML and Inbetweener land! 

In No Man’s Land, you’ve come a long way, but still have a long way to go. The routine cravings are gone but the surprise cravings can knock you to your knees. Your family and friends think you should be “over it” while you still feel quite fragile sometimes. Your relationships with smoking friends/family may be feeling strained. Your inner junkie is still around, still whispering to you, and the temptation to give in can be every bit as strong as it was in your first few days.

But here’s the good news. In these same 100 days, for most people, your circulation has improved substantially, walking has become easier, and your overall lung function has increased noticeably. Sinus congestion, fatigue, and shortness of breath have decreased. Your body's overall energy has increased. The roller coaster is smoothing out, and you are feeling calmer and stronger overall. Good things are happening! (Courtesy of @sarahP)

Click here to read Dale’s helpful blog about No Man’s Land: https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/best-of-ex/blog/2011/05/24/no-mans-land-days-30-to130-appr... 

Click here to read what to expect in the first four months: /blogs/jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007-blog/2011/06/26/what-to-expect-in-the-first-four-months  

Checking in here will help you get through NML and on your way to the first year where you can celebrate being in the 6% Club and graduate to eventually become an Elder!

Please let me know if you are interested in posting the NML Weekly Check In.  I am happy to continue it, share it, or pass it to the nEXt EXer in NML who is ready, willing, and able.

[Roller831]

[YoungAtHeart]

It's really pretty simple.  You DECIDE:

                              

then you make it happen!

Nancy

[Showiestodin]

Nancy, I love this comment. Thanks for sharing. I totally agree with this. You decide then you make it happen. 

[elvan]

roller831‌ Great discussion, very good way to look at goals and see if they align...thanks for this.  Happy New Year to you as well...I have never kept a resolution in my life...but I sure have made lots of them.  

[Showiestodin]

Hello Ellen, my dear friend. Great to see you. I have missed you and all the others. I'm getting back to reading, commenting and posting again. I look forward to seeing you around. Stay blessed.

[minihorses]

As they say, "Life's a journey not a destination"!  I know that stopping smoking will take a lifetime of monitoring on my journey in order to stay away from the eventual illnesses that my continued smoking would cause.  I've been experiencing more of the triggers when I used to smoke and  I'll catch myself thinking "I'm gonna go have a smoke and then.... "  It's almost become a game of mine to see how fast I can think or tell myself that duh, I don't smoke anymore.  I don't want it, don't need it, I don't miss it.  I shall continue this journey and work on some goals now that the initial stage is coming to an end.  Hope all the other NML-ers and In-Between-ers are having a good, smoke free week.  N.O.P.E. everyone!!

Julie   64 DOF

[Roller831]

I understand, minihorses‌ Julie.  "I don't want it, don't need it, I don't miss it." - Let me tell you a story.  I attended my weekly Weight Watchers meeting yesterday and my leader told our group that there was a New Years Day meeting today.  She encouraged us to attend if we were willing and able to help others but also to help with the body count.  The more people, the better it looks.  I was free and happy to oblige.  I know this is long...but I swear there is a point to this.

I sat down at the meeting.  Another woman came in from the same weekly meeting I attend.  Normally, we do not sit together.  She sits across the room from me.  Today, she sat down next to me.  I almost choked.  It took everything I had to keep a straight face vs. squishing up my nose (or holding it) because the stench of cigarettes hit me like a freight train!  I used to think people who waved their hands in the air trying to dissipate smoke or covered their nose and mouth were just plain rude.  I would think we are outside for crying out loud...I am allowed to smoke here...give me a break!  Today...I understood more than ever how absolutely offensive the smell is and how much I do not miss smelling like that!  How much I don't want a cigarette and how much I do not need it!

I re-read my own blog posts.  I see where I was and where I am now.  It gets easier.  It gets more comfortable being an EX-smoker.  It changes from a game of how long it takes to tell yourself you don't do that anymore to being more automatic that you will never do that again ever!   

Onward and upward!  Keep up the great work, Julie!

[NeedToBe]

Wow, good to hear someone with the same thought. I quit in the midst of the holidays and began to realize the same thing. The smell is terrible! I found that while at a family gathering, two relatives came in from smoking and stood on either side of me. It was all I could do not to begin with the waving. After 20 seconds or so, backed away with the excuse of needing the bathroom.

I can understand how that same approach may not work in your instance as the whole purpose of your meeting is support and to walk \away may send an unintended message.

[elvan]

Welcome to EX...yes, smoking SMELLS.  If you HAVE to be around people who have been smoking, put a dab of Vick's vaporub under your nose and it will help to cover the smell.  We DID smell and it's embarrassing to look  back on that.

Ellen