As I round my second go-round of firsts, I find them harder than last year. My addictive mind is working overtime. The longer I'm smoke free, the more I realize how much emotionally I used smoking. I've always been a loner even as a child. I never had a huge group of friends. I actually felt uncomfortable around them. I was more content staying home and reading books. There was no such thing as the internet when I was growing up. I was at the public library as much as I could.
Now, don't get me wrong here, newbies. I'm just sharing my story with you to make you realize how smoking can enter your thoughts or even try to lure you back into its grasps. I've noticed that it rears its head when I'm stressed. Two years ago, it was basically life in general that sent me back to smoking. Now that I've had time to reflect and really think about what I used smoking for, I know what to be on the watch for.
I'm a helper by nature. I would be the first person on the street if I saw someone bleeding or hurt. Wouldn't even hestitate. If someone needs to vent, they know I'm always here to listen. Someone needs advice, if I don't know it, I'll educate myself on the topic and then help. Sometimes being a helper has backfired on me. I've been taken advantage of, accused of things I've never done, lied to. I'm also the type that if I believe in someone or something, I will stand by you until the bitter end unless you give me a reason not to.
Smoking for me was a comfort to heal my wounds, to keep me company when I was lonely, to reassure me that I have value, respect, to make a difference.......... but then again, did it? My addictive self tells me all that and plays a song in my head of how much better I felt. You never had to face these feelings because I created a smoke screen for you. I'm the one who took care of all that and now you have given me up, boohoo. It plays all kinds of scenes in my head when stressed, depressed. I've learned over these years to press the reset button. I know what my warning signs are.
Take the time to reevaluate your life as time moves on and see what all you believed smoking did for you. When you're having stinkin' thinkin', write that T chart out. Pros on one side and Cons on the other. Be honest with yourself. Write down what you thought smoking did for you on the cons and evaluate and think about what you can do for yourself on your own for each of those entries. Place that on the Pro side. Quitting smoking is not a year-long thing, a month event, a six-month marathon. It's a lifestyle change. We each have our own ways of doing things and each have our own triggers. Recognize the times where smoking is replaying in your mind. What is bringing that on? It's got to be something that's sparking that memory. Take a few moments right when it hits and think. Put that into your folder of Things to be on the Lookout For. Trust me, it will happen again.
We as humans are creatures of habit. We tend to do things at certain times repetitively throughout our lives. Go to any self-help book and read it up on it. I found this article online which could be applied to smoking https://www.srpl.net/why-does-this-always-happen-to-me-1/ and then also to help with understanding the instant replay in your mind is another article I found https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/02/16/8-tips-to-help-stop-ruminating/. Check them out or take a few seconds of your day and see what you think...... have a great week, everyone !!!!!