Frustrating Day & Fighting The Urge

[minihorses]

It has been a frustrating day. I seem to have a bad case of the 'sadim hcuot', a self-claimed coin of a phrase (a hint: it's the 'midas touch' backwards). I've been awake since 3 a.m. since my brain was on fast forward but the body was on WTF why am I up.  Many things I've tried to do today couldn't be done due to lack of supplies I thought I had, everyone here is sick, it's been raining all day too.  I'm late getting Christmas stuff going and when I went to write Christmas cards the box of 16 contained 6 that were fine and 10 that the message inside wasn't printed correctly and was barely readable! I've been in a pi$$y mood and even want to throw stuff!  My brain has been screaming at me to smoke.  The rest of me is telling my brain to shut up, it's just because I used to handle stress by smoking but now I don't and I just have to find another way to deal with it.  I'm relying on the good lord and all of you that gave me the greatest advice when I first started this journey.  No amount of anger or depression is helped in any way by putting a nasty cigarette in my mouth. It will just add to the anger because I messed up, make me more depressed because I felt lost and gave up the fight, and smoking is not my friend nor my comfort blanket, it wants my soul.  It is evil in the guise of relief. Why after 52 days am I trying to find a reason to go back?  Is it just a part of NML?  I cannot give in to the demon and I took the pledge that I wouldn't smoke today no matter what.  I am N.O.P.E-ing my little heart out today.  I will make this day a learning experience so I can look back and see that I didn't break down today so I can make it through the next one better.  Please send prayers for me to succeed in the battle for my freedom from the monster of smoking.  I'm working this quit but hanging on a few threads on the rope today. "NOPE Julie, NOPE Julie, NOPE Julie..."!

52 Days Without the Devil!!  Please help me make it to 53.  Thank you my friends.

[YoungAtHeart]

Yes - you are traveling through No Mans Land - AND dealing with your first holiday season - a double whammy!  BUT --- YOU GOT THIS!  You understand what is going on, and BELIEVE that a cigarette is not going to do ONE thing for you - not one.  If you doubt that, after all you have read, then try to write down what it will do....and that list will be empty!

Just hang in there.  Slow, deep breaths; take a walk if you can; if not, march around the dining room table repeating cuss words in your head; eat a bit of chocolate, take a relaxing bath; call a friend; read blogs here; did I suggest taking a walk at dusk to see some holiday lights? 

Just hang in there!  It will get easier - I promise!

Nancy

[minihorses]

I don't have to cuss in my head, all of us have frequent flyer cards with the F-word and most other known cusses.  We even know some in different languages. I'm married to a former Marine. I learned quickly with the squadron!

[TW517]

I feel your pain!  You sound just like me in the early 50 days of my quit.  Glad you came here!  Go find a place where you can scream, and maybe punch something.  Hope it gets better soon

[minihorses]

Seas are calm for now but I'll keep the screaming room open until I go to bed.

[MarilynH]

You are doing this quit one Smokefree Day at a time or hour, minute or even one second at a time as long as you keep moving forward and stacking up your Days WON with N.O.P.E and vigilance then you will be successful and you will get through the rough patches of NML and into that good place in your quit but it's going to take time but you will get there and congratulations on 53 awesome DOF and counting......

[Deb-EX]

I here with you!! The best advice is take it minute by minute!! Breath, Blog, READ.  I'm in calm sea's now after a very rough morning.. thinking all this could be over if I just ended this, it would have been SO MUCH easier to smoke!

The thought makes me ill of going back to day ONE! I was never looking for the easy route, and  I knew it would pass even though I was an emotional wreck. I took all the advice today and put it to good use. Oh and that club works very well  Was a tough day YES, but I made it!

Glad your in calm sea now! We got this.

[minihorses]

Debbie,

  I got over it pretty well. I was soooo tired because I had been up since 3 a.m. when my brain said it wanted run a marathon. The mind was willing but the body was weak.  I always have mountains of paperwork on tables, floors, etc. ever since the great knee disaster of 2014. I live in a constant state of disarray. I have trouble getting down to the floor to sit and getting up is tricky but I got down there, went through all my piles, got the bills in order, got a filing pile ready and stuck all the shredding in a bag.  My oldest son was on the pc next to the shredder so he did all of that for me. My husband was so happy to see things picked up and having tabletops he can actually see!  It makes me feel better too. I took the praise and didn't let him know that the big paper cleanup was all because I couldn't find my Starbucks card and it had $20 loaded onto it from a gift!  I usually go one morning on the weekends, get lifeblood at the drive-through, go park in the spot on the side of the building that shields the sunrise some, crank the car stereo volume and rock to my heavy metal music.  I haven't been in a couple weeks 'cuz it's to cold and too dark to feel comfortable parking and sitting.  I can make my own before then. I found the card AND got the paperwork cleaned up in one fell swoop. My one thought during this was "see, you don't have to smoke, you have more productive things you can do."  I'm proud of myself and that doesn't happen very often! On to another day of freedom for me.

Julie  53 DOF

[Deb-EX]

Thrilled for you Julie!! Smoking will change nothing and that's what we have to cling onto and that's why we can never give in. I'm so PROUD of YOU!! riding out the storm is no easy task.. be proud, be very proud of yourself. SMILE, SING, SCREAM Whoowhooo.. You made it, I made it, and we have the best support group EVER!!!  

[kristen-9-7-15]

I have no doubt you’ll make it to 53 days! Hang in there. It is just part of the ride