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I've been smoke free for 57 days and counting, but I have become progressively more irritable, especially lately. I live in NYC, and that is a challenge in itself.
I've bee working out since August but I've put on weight nevertheless, and this makes me angry.
What advice would you give someone in my state?
Signed,
Losing it.
Lewis
Thanks Nancy.
I will stick it out.
Can't turn back.
Happy Holidays!
I second what Nancy said - you are in No Mans Land. Doesn't matter whether you're in NYC or on a mountain top somewhere, this part of the journey seems to put you into a funk! It will pass, but it may take a while longer yet.
You should be feeling better working out and remind yourself how much better you feel working out without smoking!
Good Luck - you can do this!
Doug
Hey Lewis! I'm a Long Islander... NYC is where we go at Christmas time :-)
Congratulations on 57 Days smoke free, that's amazing. I myself am 23 days smoke free and while rewarding it doesn't come without it's challenges. Keep pushing through, you will get some really solid advice soon, but in the mean while I would like to say it's December, aren't we ALL a bit irritable at this time of year with or without a cigarette :-)
I totally get the irritability about the weight gain, but our bodies are going through major changes right now... weight gain even with exercise seems to be one of the down sides of becoming a non smoker. I have nothing to offer in advice here, but again.. hang in there lots of great idea's will come your way from other people in the group who have been exactly where you are. I can tell you that I can't stop eating myself and I've gained a few pounds over the last 23 days... Even worse is I am getting lots of pimples on my face and THAT is freaking ME out :-))) I just say to myself.. whelp these are side effects that come with the quit, is it enough to make me go back to smoking? And the answer is NO WAY!
Please hang in there, don't lose it... take a hot shower, play some music, read! Just keep your mind busy! It's nice meeting with you and I wish you the best of luck.
The more I hear about this NML... I'm not there yet at 20 dof. And I think that practicing meditation helps with that as it seems to be a problem with being present. My addictive egoic mind hates to be in the now. I'll know when I get there though. (Maybe when the student is ready the teacher will appear)
Good luck Lewis.
John
Deb-Ex,
You are absolutely right; these are the holidays and that brings an added amount of stress. If we can make it through this, we can make it through a lot.
Thanks
Lewis
There is a blog that was written by jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 that might help What To Expect In The First Four Months I agree that you are in No Man's Land and it can be pretty challenging there. It simply means that your addiction is making another stand, trying to get you back. If you are working out, you may gain weight because muscle weighs more than fat but it takes up less space. I work out, I do not weigh myself, I go by how my clothes fit and if I have an issue, I try to figure out why...and do some different exercises. Hang in there, nothing is worth smoking over...you have come a long ways.
Ellen
I think it's normal to have all kinda feelings. I used to just stuff whatever I felt behind a big cloud of smoke. I'm more fussy, fearful, anxious than usual. Of course I am I'm not smoking. I'm tasting, smelling, feeling EVERYTHING now. It's weird. It's all a huge adjustment. So far, I haven't went off on anyone - although I have it all preplanned in my head I am trying to keep it under wraps until after the holidays. However, after that .... LOOK OUT
I feel the same way; I have the confrontation already scripted in my mind, but I haven't gone off either.
Thanks
Lewis
Congratulations to all y'all on this thread who are knocking back smoke free days!!! Quitting is not for the weak, and you should be very proud!!
I was irritable, and yes, I gained about 20 pounds, but I quit. I QUIT a 30 year addiction! There is no "but" that follows. I quit. I stopped smoking. Everything else pales.
On the irritability, it passes...generally once you realize that you're behaving that way. For me it was extreme emotions, from laughter to joy to sadness (my God I cried at the drop of a hat) to frustration and snarkiness. Try to acknowledge it when it happens, apologize if it's warranted and move on.
Most of all, forgive yourself. You're going through a lot of physical and emotional changes. Forgiveness, acceptance and patience are your best tools.
As for the weight, I didn't try to fight the weight gain as much as I should have. That's on me....and I'm working now to take it back off. We're all different. You may or may not gain. You'll have to decide how you want to handle this time. I was selfish..there was no way I was giving up cigarettes and carbs at the same time. In retrospect, that might not have been the best choice for me, but guess what? I quit smoking, and now I'm quitting those 20 pounds.
No Man's Land isn't bad at all.....but it is a period of time where people commonly slip up. If you follow Old Bones Larry, you'll enjoy the journey a bit more. You may have to read old blogs to catch up, but his stories are a gift to all of us on our journey.
Stay strong!
You did this quit thing in the exact right way for YOU. No need to apologize. You were successful!
Carbs just ARE the best substitute for most unhappy things in our lives - shame it isn't broccoli!
Nancy
Yeah, well - thank goodness for Lilly's sugar free dark chocolate. I may not eat many carbs these days, but when you need chocolate, you NEED chocolate. As for having to apologize..... you give me too much credit, Nancy. Sometimes I was b*tchy just because it made me feel better. Thankfully, that phase passed and those close to me understood (and, likely talked about how moody I was behind my back, haha).
I LOVE carbs now. When I smoked, I never touched them. Carbs are better than cigs.
Hahaha!
Carbs!!!!! I love all things carbs and it doesn't help that everything tastes SO good now. I do my best to balance it all -LOL
You're exactly right!!! I never met a carb I didn't like.
LOL
I still have to check myself at times when I blow up. One time my husband said, why are you making a big deal out of this? you never did this before. True story right there, but I always walked away and smoked and never said anything. I just simply learned to count to 10 before I react. I've read research somewhere that during your first 9 months you'll find the emotions that drew you back to smoking are the ones hitting tenfold. Then some say it's hormones. I know mine has finally leveled off. Yes, I have days where I just hate everyone and everybody but those are becoming further apart. I know sleeping played a big part in it
I totally wanted to hijack this thread
with my own version of cray cray
cuz I'm so stupid angry right now
but I read your post,
posted my own crazy post
and didn't smoke and
didn't yell at anyone (YET)
Since you asked:
1. Reaffirm that you made the right decision to quit.
2. Double up on quit support including coming to Ex more often, read and blog
3. Affirm that you will work on your diet once you are able to give it the attention it needs--caveat being that NOPE is firm in your mind. Weight tends to come off, but time is required to put quitting first--no ifs, ands or buts lingering about smoking.
4. Gently consider how you might just aim for taking in your daily required (2200?)--try to aim for that first and regularly rather than desperately focusing on dieting to lose weight. One step at a time.
5. Remain calm and know that you are a winner. You did it, 57 days is awesome. High five.
First congrats on 57 days on this journey and be very proud of your success into this freedom life. I so remember my irritability days like it happened yesterday, it is normal. Hang in there it is really worth the effort, so first and foremost protect that quit. Are you just lifting weights? Are you doing any cardio like running or walking to get your metabolism up? You will get the weight off, not worth smoking over.
I'm doing core exercises with a trainer, but since I quit, I've hitting the sweets. On Thanksgiving Day, I ran the Turkey Trot, and was so proud of myself; however, I think (I know) I overdid it. Visiting the back doctor next week. This setback caused a lot of the irritability but i signed up for yoga.
Thanks for the encouragement
NOTHING is worth smoking over....it's not like you will start smoking and any weight you put on will magically dissolve. You will still get angry, you will still feel sadness, you will still feel stress...PLEASE understand that you are SUPPOSED to feel those things, we all shut down when we smoked...smoking does nothing FOR you, just TO you. Take it from someone who knows...I stuffed and stuffed for years, sometimes I might be a little grumpy, I never learned to deal with some feelings...I'm workin' on it. I started smoking at 17 and kept it up for 47 years...so I am sort of going through my teenage angst, albeit a bit late.
Hang in there, it really DOES get easier and it really DOES make sense.
Ellen
I hear you. That's exactly where I'm at. In a funny way, this vulnerability is a refreshing feeling of sorts. I was numb before but, BOY, now I feel everything. I will be patient with myself. Going to visit family in couple of weeks. This is a challenge since some of them (not all) smoke. I have faced all of my triggers, but this one will be tough as it is highly emotional and linked to grief. However, I have NO intention of slipping, and I won't. Will try to get my siblings on this website while I'm there. Will have to be a little sneaky.
Happy Holidays!
Lewis
I can relate to you on the weight gain. Im not sure what your training at the gym is like but i used to run around 10-15 kilometres every day around the time i quit and still managed to gain weight. Come to think of it i never lost any weight after i quit at all. But i think in my case what happened is all my fat on my thighs got converted to muscles which is causing the weight to stay the same. So you might also just be gaining muscle mass.
Congrats! You pretty much have this licked!
Sometimes a walk would help. Walking clears the head.
Hang in there!! Stay focused on why you quit in the first place when you get an urge!! You got this... I just celebrated 6 months and don't even think about it anymore... stay positive and be proud...
One day at a time, it WILL get easier the more smoke free time you build up...the Holidays might not be as difficult as you are anticipating. You won't have to excuse yourself to go smoke, you can spend time FEELING things with your family...might not sound like it is going to be easy and it might not but you will learn things about yourself and about your feelings...things that you have stuffed into smoking. Getting to know the people we were supposed to be before we started smoking is one of the rewards of this journey.
Stay with us, if you can...stay close to the site when you are visiting family and reach out if you feel challenged. We have members in all different time zones and there is usually someone here or someone who WILL be here. You are doing this and you are doing a great job.
Ellen
If for nothing else, you are saving $10.00 + for one pack of cancer sticks.
Irish Rose
$13 in NYC. Very expensive.
Oh my, smokenomorelpj !!!! Packs of coffin nails are up to $13 now??? Wow.
I was born and raised in New York City, and when I left, they were like $3.00. When I landed in South Carolina, they were virtually giving them away at $1.50 a pack - tobacco country! Who knew the hidden damage those things were slowly causing in our bodies back then? The tobacco companies were surely not going to let you know the true facts, as it would have impacted their profits.
Irish Rose
Here are few links to help you in stressful situations which sound like you may be experiencing. http://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/stress-management.htm.
http://www.webmd.com/smoking-cessation/features/10-ways-reduce-stress-while-you-quit?page=1
Thanks so much.
Did you not get irritable when you smoked? I have been thinking about this a lot, for some reason, I realize that I got very irritable when I smoked...usually because I was looking for a place to smoke or a time when I could get away but the fact is, I got angry, I got irritable, I felt sad, I felt everything I felt once I quit, it just seemed magnified at first...it DOES get better. Smoking does not help ANYTHING!
Magnified is an understatement
I'm really angry now and no
I wasn't like that when I smoked.
I'm not sleeping well - only 2-3 hrs at a time
and I haven't had a normal poop in a month.
Just those two things are enough to ruin your day.
Tammyzhere I remember that...not the sleeping part because I had been so sick that I wanted to sleep most of the time, the digestive issues were a real challenge. I increased the amount of magnesium I was taking, I drank so much water that I felt like I was floating, and I ate things that I knew had traditionally caused me to have diarrhea and now just caused me to use the bathroom.
I did get angry when I smoked, I experienced all of the emotions I experienced when I quit...I stuffed a lot of the expression of those feelings down so that it might not have SEEMED that way. I cried a lot after I quit, I got angrier...or so it seemed, for so many years, we stuffed everything down that it would be natural that our feelings would seem HUGE when they were allowed to come out. Smoking never did anything to really help with our feelings, it just stuffed them down. Eventually, we still had to deal with them...one way or another. I know that sometimes I exploded over something that really had nothing to do with why I was angry in the first place, I also think stuffing feelings down causes significant physical issues...I have RA and it is known to be impacted by stress as are so many other autoimmune diseases. Stuffing anger down also leads to depression...one way or another, smoking is damaging us in so many ways, it stunts our emotional growth.
We lost our ability to handle things one at a time...one emotion at a time because we didn't allow those emotions to come out as we were experiencing them. I get it...they EXPLODE. The only thing I can promise you is that it does get easier. We learn to deal with things, one experience at a time. I never said it was easy...it certainly wasn't for me...if it HAD been, I would have quit a long time before I did.
It's WORTH it.
Ellen
I feel for you, I haven't pooped normal in a couple of weeks myself and I actually look pregnant!! I'm heading to the CVS store today to see what I can get to help with this. Yea, it can ruin your day for sure, but smoking is not the answer, although it probably feels like it is. As to the mood swings, honey you're not alone.. Keep doing what you're doing... VENTING, because that will get you to the next day. Quitting smoking is probably the hardest thing one can ever do... If you can - try watching a funny movie to keep your mind busy and remember, some days it's " one.long.minute.at.a.time " Hang in there!!
Same thing happened to me, and after 67 days off, it happens sometimes. Last month I had to get some sleeping pills from my doctor. It was so bad; I was only sleeping 2-3 hours a day as well. and I wanted to act out in horrible ways due to this. Plus I work like a fiend. After about three months, and with the help of exercise and the pills, I sleep better now. Normally I would never take sleeping pills but I needed something. Now, I only take them when I am having problems sleeping.
Your poop will get better too. Now, that you're not smoking you have to make sure, and this is difficult for me, to eat lots of fiber and drink a ton of water. Your bowel movement will go back to normal. Your body is readjusting itself. I eat fruit for breakfast followed by water, and this seems to help me. Additionally, I eat a lot of nuts, grains, and seeds, not to mention fiber cereal. That really helps.
Lewis
Yes I did. But, the smoking masked the irritation momentarily. This irritation is more intense or so I think. Actually I think its the same; I just believe its more intense because I do not have cigs to mask the depression. I write my feelings down now. I try other things. I am consciously aware that I am trying something else, and the cravings subside.
I was like a pit viper. hahahahaha It is just so very important to find new things to occupy your time and space, for that matter.
Irish
I think it helps to revisit Nicotine 101 page on this site periodically. I know from my other addictions that I have a "quick forgetter" especially when I'm trapped in the bondage of self centered fear, ie; emotional extremes, which I stuffed a long time ago when I found chemicals that took the edge off of those emotional jags - mental & emotional conditioning from years of smoking. Now that I'm not smoking I get to choose. Nicotine doesn't get to choose how I'm going to feel. I choose to practice the feelings I relinquished to chemical dependancies today. No matter how painful they are. This is probably the hardest part of my recovery from any addiction. I don't know if this will be helpful to anyone here. But it sure helps me to say it here.
Thankful for finding this site, John27dof
It's very helpful John! I agree with all you've said. It's actually a nice, calming feeling when you realize that hey, wait... I made this decision to quit - nothing or no one MADE me do this. I keep an un-opened pack of cigarettes outside in the garage just to remind myself that I CHOOSE not to smoke anymore. They can stay there, I won't make an excuse that they were to close, it was to tempting ... thats just silly. If I'm going to smoke, nothing will stop me. I don't MISS it, I just don't. Not saying I don't crave it, but I don't miss it.
I read, read, read... I've read some of the same blogs here over and over... I'm reading the Allen Carr book now and I LOVE it! Funny, I never thought I would love a book about how to stop smoking, but I do.. it's great and I am learning so much!
Hope your day is great !!
Debbie 30 days smoke-free :-)
Since I'm on the nicotine patch, not sure I can do "DOF" LOL
That's Awesome Debbie. 30 days without putting 4000 other chemicals, 70 of which are known carcinogens. You have arrested gum/tooth problem, and many other issues related to inhaling carbon monoxide smoke. You will get there as you step down.
Thank YOU John. 30 days I NEVER thought I could ever do, ever! Patch or no patch.. this is a huge accomplishment for me and I am so proud of myself. Especially this month... It's been trying to say the least :-)
For me as well Debbie. We have the power!!
We do have the power and more importantly we have the support
Deb-EX and darnPainter You have it ALL, you are going to keep your quits, you are going to learn so much about yourselves as you grow with your quits.
XOXO,
Ellen
Thank you Ellen!! Yea, we ARE going to make it. It's nice having someone in my exact quit time too.. We will be in NML together - with CLUBS - Ooop... LOL LOL
Hahahahaha...you are going to be ready for anything and everything that NML has to offer. You are both very strong and you are also both supporting each other and getting lots and lots of support from those who have gone before you. Keep it up.
Deb-EX I look forward to the day when you open that pack of cigarettes and DROWN them...it will be empowering. The harder it is to get cigarettes, the more time we have to think about what we are doing. I got rid of everything that reminded me of smoking and I would have had to get in the car and drive to the store to get cigarettes. There was no way that I was about to do that. I kept cigarettes around in the past but this time I just knew that I couldn't.
You are doing great.
Ellen
You are in No Mans Land - so your journey is not yet complete (2-4 months quit) ......Check out the weekly Wednesday blog about it - and do a search for blogs about it, as well. Your irritability is not unknown during this time.
You may not lose weight by working out - muscle weighs more than fat. You are getting healthier and more muscular - and what's not to like about THAT??!!!
Hang in there - it WILL get better!
Nancy