I have a real urge to drown all my precious progress and have a smoke. I won't do it but the day is wearing me thin. Yesterday the boys got what was left of our ancient sleeper sofa out and set up the new 'sofa' which is really just a futon. I needed a bed because I can't sleep in my bed due to my husband's snoring and weird noises he makes when he sleeps. I ordered the new futon online and I've always been pleased with what I bought. There really isn't any cushioning and it's hard as a rock. I can't even lie down on it for more than a couple seconds before my whole body is in pain. It's no different than sleeping on the floor, which is impossible for me. So now all I have to sleep on is the recliner. Did I say sleep? I meant dosing on and off all night. I've been in a 'I want to light someone on fire' mood all day and really want that stupid cigarette. When I get in this mood it's a fight within myself to keep in control of this trigger. I am controlling it but with nowhere to sleep except in my recliner the fight is harder today. I'm crying like a baby because I have NOTHING to sleep on anymore and I've already spent whatever money we were scrimping together to pay for a new, actual sofa. The cigarette I want won't be accessible and I probably wouldn't smoke it even if it was and I thank all of you for giving me the strength to abstain from the crave. I will not give in. I hate this part of the quit - NML. I could have cared less last week about them. Once I hit NML the stupid cravings start. Boy were you all right about this phase! I would feel better with some real sleep but that's not going to happen any time in the near future. I'm done whining now. Time to bite the bullet and just accept that I will not be able to sleep horizontally for a long time, and that I'm just going to have to go back to dealing with my neck and shoulders being in massive pain every day. Life sucks sometimes but it beats the alternative I guess.
Julie 35 DOF