Smell of smoke and smoke residue noxious

Discussion created by KatyDid1974 on Nov 27, 2017
Latest reply on Nov 30, 2017 by elvan

I am an ex-smoker since 11/1/2013. I smoked for more than 20 years and married a smoker who quit in early 2014.  A little over a year ago my spouse began smoking again, lying, and hiding, which I am sure do to extreme emotional and financial stress to my oldest teen S.D. needing alcohol and drug rehab. My S.D. was smoking so spouse started smoking again. Now S.D. finally graduated and quit smoking to boot, and spouse still smoking. I’ve tried being supportive because I know how hard it is to quit. I am just at my limit. The smell of smoke and smoke residue (second and third hand smoke) is now noxious to me. If my spouse smokes recently before bed I have to ask that they strip out of Smokey clothes, brush teeth, and wash thoroughly before climbing next to me because I can’t breath or start throwing up.  This then frustrates my Spouse who sees me as a hypocrite because I used to smoke and no matter how much encouragement I offer takes it that I have an agenda if I complain about the smell, ask them not to smoke around me, to not smoke in the car (that was rule before), not smoke within 20 feet of windows and doors (also rule before), and to wash smoke residue off them, and to please not use frame or any other exterior of our house (not exaggerating) or lawn and flower beds as an ashtray. I get that my spouse is frustrated and has an addiction but can’t seem to get through to them, while violent vomiting, how noxious and putrid the the smoking and residue smells. 

I know that I can certainly be more supportive but honesty feel betrayed and I am myself frustrated with them because feel they are not respecting a boundary.