In-Betweener Check In! - Fear of Forever

[Roller831]

Hi!  Are you a graduate of NML? I plan to create this discussion every week to offer encouragement and camaraderie to those in-between -- months 5-11 of a quit.  Regardless of how long you’ve been quit, anyone who likes the conversation and wants to offer support is welcome to participate!

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This week’s topic: Fear of Forever (aka “Stop Poking Yourself in the Eye!”)

There are lots of milestones and “ah-ha” moments along the quitting journey. Most of them have to do with shedding the lies of addiction one-by-one, and accepting some simple truths. This is not easy, it’s a long, emotional process and is why No Man’s Land can be such a tricky place.  I also think the in-betweener can be a tricky place.

Along with the lies of addiction (I can have just one, I enjoy smoking, etc.), we must also cope with some basics of human nature: change is scary, forever is a long time, and we don’t like being told what to do.

When we tell ourselves (or are told) that we HAVE to quit smoking and we can NEVER smoke again, we start putting up some defensive walls. We may agree to quit, because logically we know that smoking makes about as much sense as poking ourselves in the eye with a stick, but that fear, that sense of dread that “forever” evokes, can be very hard to overcome.

Have you ever told yourself if you got through something for a long enough period of time you could do it again at a much later date in life?  Like if you stopped smoking now and stayed quit...by the time you reached 80 or 90 years old, you could smoke again if you wanted to?  Being afraid of never smoking again was about as silly as being afraid of never poking myself in the eye with a stick again.

Smoking wasn’t taken away from me, I am willingly walking away from it, rejecting it as an option in my life, saying “NOPE, smoking is simply no longer important to me.”

Reach for this milestone, for the “ah-ha” moment when the thought of never smoking again gives you a sense of pride, not loss. When you do, your fear of forever will disappear.

Quitting smoking is a journey, not an event. Never go backwards, success is ahead of you! Keep moving forward! 

Come stop by and let us know how you are doing!  This check-in is for anyone who needs it, but I am curious to see our NML graduates who have not yet reached the 6% club....

[Tammyzhere]

Thanks for your post.  When I clicked on it - I thought an in betweener was someone on the patch / vape.  Basically, in between a smoker and non- smoker.  It was kind of you to include others not in your "in between " of 5-11 months of their quit into your discussion.  I dunno what a NML grad is.  I'm new.   My ah-ha moment is - in H.S. the "cool kids" smoked.  Now I see how fear based the whole thing is.  The fear of not being able to smoke, of running outta smokes, of not being able to calm down without a smoke, etc...   I'm seeing how neurotic and fear based the whole thing is.  I liked your analogy of being poked in the eye   and also enjoyed your words of encouragement  "Quitting smoking is a journey, not an event. Never go backwards, success is ahead of you! Keep moving forward!" 

[Roller831]

Welcome Tammyzhere‌!!!  NML stands for No Man's Land.  It is for those who are about 30-130 days into their quit.

I know when I first found this site, many Elders told me to read read read….and I did.  Elders are those with one or more years of being quit.  If you like what someone has to say, then you may want to read their blogs.  I have some listed below.

A list of our Elders /blogs/Giulia-blog/2017/06/18/elders-list-ao-december-7-2016 

So here's the thing.....and you may not like what I am about to say....and that's ok.  I get it.  You need to accept that this is an addiction.  Before you do that, it will be much more difficult to quit and stay quit. 

Read read read.  Do the steps to PREPARE yourself to quit.  Do the steps so you are PREPARED on quit day and for the days AFTER quit day.  

Some of the things I read in my first few days that helped me:

Dale’s Welcome to New Members My Welcome To New Members (10 Years Of Watching) 

YoungAtHeart Nancy’s Blog /blogs/Youngatheart.7.4.12-blog/2013/02/25/100-things-to-do-instead-of-smoke 

JonesCarpeDiem  Dale’s Blog /blogs/jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007-blog/2011/06/26/what-to-expect-in-the-first-four-months 

Visit Best of EX‌    

And read what has been posted there.

I see you are reading the Alan Carr book.  I got it as a book on tape and listened to it over and over again for the first two weeks into my quit.  I know it helped me out a lot!

Keep this site close and keep posting and asking for help.  You will get it.  You will get things you like and things you don't like, but don't give up!!!  We have been through similar experiences and can share our strength and hope.  We are here to support you!

Roller 149 DOF (Days of Freedom)

[Christophina]

Hello

I am an In-Betweener

Good idea Roller 

Thank you

[Bree19]

Hello there Roller.  8.5 months into my quit.  This discussion is going to be interesting!

Thanks for starting it!

Bree

[elvan]

roller831‌ You are quite a gift to this site and to all of the people who are lucky enough to have your support, no matter where they are in their quits. Did someone take over the NML weekly blog?  I didn't see it this week but it's entirely possible that I missed it.

[Roller831]

I posted the NML check in elvan‌.  I was a day late since I was attending a seminar for work and wasn't near a computer all day.  Noone has taken it over yet.  I am happy to continue it until someone else wants to do it.

[elvan]

You are a rock start roller831‌!

[TW517]

Oh my gosh!!!  How did I miss this?!?  I was begging for this group, and I missed the inaugural post!  You are correct elvan‌, roller831‌ is a rock star!  Thank you Roller!

I did that "promising thing" a lot early on in my quit, where I'd say if I can just get thru this hour, half-day, day, week, month.... I would then allow myself a smoke.  Probably a bad idea, but it did seem to help.  I would keep stretching the time out to reach a new goal.  I eventually forgot about it.  I'm sure my last goal post expired many weeks ago.

[TW517]

Even though I no longer have a "If I reach this time" goal, I have to admit, if I was told I only had an hour to live, I wouldn't mind having a cigarette.  But only if I could have it with a double shot of Macallan 18 Year Old Single Malt with one ice cube.  Then again, maybe not.  Wouldn't want to ruin the taste of my scotch