minihorses

Almost Slipped

Discussion created by minihorses on Nov 5, 2017
Latest reply on Nov 7, 2017 by Daniela-3-11-2016

I had my first real thought of having a cigarette today. I didn't think I would have a problem when the first one came eventually. It's been a very trying day in the family. A time that used to end up with me going out in the garage for a smoke, get away from it and chill out. Then come back in the house and walk on egg shells the rest of the day to not stir up the brew. I REALLY WANTED to continue that pattern. It was my security blanket as it were. It took everything I had in me to make myself at least postpone that first step. I went and sat down in the living room debating the scenario when the letters N O P E slammed me in the head. I have worked so hard and been throwing up every day for nearly 2 weeks and I was going to have to go through it all again, even if I it was just a few puffs? N.O.P.E. I made a promise to my family and a daily pledge to never again poison myself with tar, nicotine, and whatever other chemicals they use in the process, all rolled in a chemically-coated piece of paper. That one acronym, remembering my commitment, some deep breathing and a quiet sob and I managed to slowly work my way through. I think the first real craving to repeat an old habit is the worst! I pulled through without lighting up!! I'm so glad I did it too. It makes my commitment to being smoke free stronger. It gave me a little hope that the next time I REALLY WANT to smoke I will look back and remember that I made it through the first one and how happy I am that I didn't give in to it or give up my goal. Thanks to all of you here on this wonderful site, this could have gone the other way but it DIDN'T!

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