cancel
Showing results for 
Show  only  | Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Give and get support around quitting

Living with Smokers

Hi!


I'm on Day 1 of quitting smoking, using the patch.  So far so good (it's early) but I'm nervous for when I go home today.  My live in boyfriend smokes, and doesn't intend to quit (I'm going to work on that).

Does anyone else live with someone who smokes? How do you deal with it?

Thanks!

0 Kudos
7 Replies
Tabbiekat
Member

Welcome to the group and congrats on your choice to quit. I am sure others will pass out the reading list I strongly urge you to read all you can it has helped me with my quit. As for the boyfriend..does he smoke in the home? If so maybe see if you can't get him to smoke outside only. Then you can work on cleaning the smoke out of the home and it will help a lot. My husband and roommate both smoke. The three of us moved to a new home almost 3 years ago and we agreed to smoking outside or in the garage only. A couple months ago my husband said he wanted to quit on 10/30 when he goes in for a heart procedure. I started reading, found this site, choose to quit with chantix and I started that on 10/13, had my last smoke the evening of 10/16. I quit earlier then my intended 10/30 because I reached the point where I was just done with smoking. It has not been easy, but having my tools handy, plus having made the decision to quit on my own has helped me stay quit. When I have my stronger moments I step outside with my husband and/or roommate when they smoke, but before going out I take a deep breath, tell myself not to think about it and also pop in a breath mint. Now I just think they smell when they smoke as I have lost all desire for it. Keep coming back and keep your quit, you can do this.

Tabbie

Thank you!

He does smoke at home, but neither one of us have EVER smoked indoors.  I find it gross.  We do have a couple chairs & table on the deck outside our front door, and there's an ashtray there & that's where we/he smokes.  I think I'll ask him to move it to the backyard!

elvan
Member

jessicamadigan‌ Good idea to change things up...move the "smoking area" so you are not reminded when you walk past it.  Put something else there...something that makes you think of FREEDOM...maybe some travel brochures in a container for all the places you will be able to go because of all the money you save.  You won't be going crazy at airports or before or after flights trying to get to a cigarette.  It's a GREAT perk.  

You CAN do this.  I am really glad that you didn't smoke indoors, I think that makes it MUCH easier.

Ellen

CommunityAdmin
Community Manager
Community Manager

You may want to check out Smoking Partners‌, Vent About Our Partners‌ and Venting Freely‌. These groups may not be active recently but there could be nuggets of value in there about others who have faced this challenge. I'm sure there are active members who have faced this recently and will come along soon to respond.

Mark
EX Community Manager

EX Community Admin Team
YoungAtHeart
Member

Welcome to our community!

Congratulations on your decision to quit smoking!  Tonight you can celebrate Day WON!

I did not quit with a smoker in my house, but I have been reading and contributing here for 5+ years.  There are a couple of things you should ask him to do to support you in your quit.  He should not smoke in your presence - and preferably outside., he should not leave his cigarettes, lighter or ashtray anywhere you can see them, he should never offer you a cigarette, or say anything that is not supportive of your efforts.. The best thing you can do to encourage him to quit is to tell him all the GOOD things you notice as you go along....your smell and taste improving, the disappearance of your cough after every good laugh, the extra $$$ in your pocket that you will spend on something special for YOU (and be sure to keep that savings separate --- in a jar or box or somewhere).  Nagging someone to quit smoking just doesn't work - didn't on you, did it?

The most important thing you can do right now is to educate yourself on what nicotine does to your body and mind. To that end, I highly recommend Allen Carr's “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking.” This is an easy and entertaining read. Here is a link to a free PDF version of it:

http://media.wix.com/ugd/74fa87_2010cc5496521431188f905b7234a829.pdf

 You should also read the posts here and perhaps go to the pages of folks who you think might be helpful. You might visit whyquit.com, quitsmokingonline.com and livewell.com for the good information contained there. @https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/best-of-ex has lots of blogs written by members of this site with their experiences and guidance

The idea is to change up your routines so the smoking associations are reduced.  Drink your coffee with your OTHER hand. If you always had that first smoke with your coffee, try putting your tennies on right out of bed, going for a quick walk, then taking your shower and THEN your coffee! Rearrange the furniture in the areas you used to smoke so the view is different. Buy your gas at a different station. Take a different route to work. Take a quick walk at break time where the smokers AREN'T.

You need to distract yourself through any craves.  You can take a bite out of a lemon (yup - rind and all), put your head in the freezer and take a deep breath of cold air, do a few jumping jacks, go for a brisk walk or march in place, play a computer game.  Don't let that smoking thought rattle around in your brain unchallenged. Sometimes you need to quit a minute or an hour at a time.  You will need to be disciplined in the early days to distract yourself when a crave hits.    Get busy!  Here is a link to a list of things to do instead of smoke if you need some fresh ideas:

https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/Youngatheart.7.4.12-blog/2013/02/25/100-things-to-do-instea...

The conversation in your head in response to the "I want a cigarette" thought needs to be, "Well, since I have decided not to do that anymore, what shall I do instead for the three minutes this crave will last?"  Then DO it.  You will need to put some effort into this in the early days, but it gets easier and easier to do.

Stay close to us here and ask questions when you have them and for support when you need it. We will be with you every step of the way!

Nancy

bonniebee
Member

I live with a smoker, my friend Karen, I never thought it would be possible to quit this way but I have done it and it really was not impossible or as hard as one might expect it to be . You see I found that my craves lived within me whether she was smoking in front of me or not . It really made no difference , except when we had an argument, then I would get very annoyed when she lit a cigarette !!! I got through it and I know it was not her lighting up that really bothered me it was my own response to anger I always lit a cigarette to quell the anger ! 

Be patient with yourself ! If your friend will smoke outside so much the better i did not have that luck but in the long run it has made my quit that much stronger ! Now I can visit my smoking relatives and friends without the temptation to smoke .I just got back from a vacation and I stayed with my sister who smokes didn't bother me a bit except I wish she would quit for her health.  

Stick with Ex for support ,sayings welcome we are glad you are here.jpgthink positive thoughts the nicodemon (your addict brain ) will try to tempt  youquit smoking life not worth living.jpgsayings quit free.jpg...... laugh in his face and say "I don't do that anymore ! " 

elvan
Member

Welcome to EX, really happy that you are here and that you are quitting and giving yourself the best gift EVER.  You have gotten some great advice above, the most important thing you can do is to take care of yourself, no one can quit FOR you and no one can make you smoke.  Remember that...please do all of the recommended reading, figure out what your smoking triggers were, decide what to do INSTEAD of smoking and understand that this is a one day at a time journey...if a day is too long, make it an hour or a minute.  There is no way to hurry up your recovery and the only way out is through.  OldBones-Larry‌ has one of my favorite sayings.."One step at a time will get you to where you want to be."  I got through my first days, weeks, and months by using the acronym NOPE, Not One Puff Ever.  It was so simple and so concise, I had no problem remembering it or saying it over and over and over again to myself and between that, my recognition of my triggers and the fact that I came here every morning and every night before I went to bed gave me the strength I needed to quit and stay that way.

Ellen