Quit in Danger

Discussion created by kristen-9.7.15 on Oct 28, 2017
Latest reply on Dec 21, 2017 by elvan

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I fear my quit is in danger. My boyfriend and I broke up. Although I know it's for the best and I've known for awhile we weren't right for each other, I am still going to miss the relationship. I will miss the companionship and someone to do thing with. I practically lived there. I only came home to work. I was a mother to his little boy who I would give my life for. I loved him as my own. Now he has lost 2 mothers in his short little life. I am going to miss him horribly. I'm going over there to collect my things tomorrow. Smoking has crossed my mind a bazillion times. I've lost 17 pounds in a week because I can't eat. Please help me.

Broken-hearted #782 DOF

Outcomes

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Jennifer-Quit-05-01-14 Oct 28, 2017 9:32 AM
I am so sorry. Breaking up is tough and I am not one to give relationship advise but I do know that smoking is not the answer to any of life's problems. I gave up a 2 year plus quit once over a lost job - and I regret it to this day. Will keep you in my prayers.
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- kristen-9.7.15 @ Jennifer-Quit-05-01-14 on Oct 28, 2017 9:40 AM
  I lost a 2 year quit before because of another failed relationship. I hope I pull through. Thanks Jen
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  - MePlus3 @ kristen-9.7.15 on Oct 30, 2017 6:00 PM
    I'm sooo sorry! I promise smoking won't solve a thing! I'm a living witness I relapsed during my last breakup and it's been a struggle since and it did not mend my broken heart. Your quit it's something that won't leave you unless you allow it. Thats one thing you have control over forever. Please don't give in. It will get better pinky promise! Maybe after everything is cool you could discuss coparenting with him. ((((Huge hugs)))))
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Marilyn.H.July.14.14. Oct 28, 2017 9:40 AM
Aaah sweetie, I'm not sure what to say other than I'm very sorry the relationship didn't work out for all three of you but please redirect your thoughts away from relapsing back into the throws of slavery! Deep, slow breaths and continue to treasure your quit and protect it with everything you have in you because you do have complete control over whether you smoke or not and you've come way to far to go backwards and have to start at day one at some point, don't do it Kristen, I'm sending you lots of loving, caring, gentle cyber hugs along with all of the good thoughts and prayers I have for peace of mind and that everything will work out the way they're meant to and you did the right thing by coming here and blogging please stay close xo.
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- kristen-9.7.15 @ Marilyn.H.July.14.14. on Oct 28, 2017 10:36 AM
  Thank you Marilyn. Deep down I know it's for the best. I just don't want to believe it and be alone again. I LOVED the feeling a family and being step-mom to that beautiful boy.
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Youngatheart.7.4.12 Oct 28, 2017 9:40 AM
Oh, my, Kristen! My heart is breaking FOR you. I have been there and done that and I remember well how much it hurts. I know it's trite, but time WILL heal your pain.
For now - think about exactly what smoking will do FOR you.......oh, wait, the answer to that is NOTHING, ZILCH, NADA. Now - think about going back to Day One. Remember, as clearly as you can, how difficult those first weeks were.
THEN - find your hit of dopamine another way. Perhaps a brisk walk outside in this wonderful Fall air. Swing your arms, perhaps think about the reasons this relationship wasn't right for you.Cuss to yourself as you walk to get any anger out (this worked for me!!!) Think AHEAD to when you will feel like company again - and where you might meet some new friends! Perhaps you can volunteer? Join the Y for the exercise AND social aspect.
Not yet - but perhaps you can arrange to see the little boy from time to time. When my husband left me, I went to a therapist to see how best to help my kids. He said that it didn't matter how often he saw them - but that he made plans ahead of time and showed up at the appointed date/time (he was not interested in any scheduled visitation).
Get something easy to eat - like yogurt, maybe a milkshake, scrambled eggs, toast, waffles, English muffins? Even if it's only a few bites -- if you don't take care of you, the next thing you know you will get sick and that will be TWICE as miserable (if that's possible!).
When it happened to me, I could not stop crying. After a bit, I decided that it was enough, and when I would start to think about it all again, I would say "STOP IT" - out loud if possible and MAKE myself think about something else.
I will hold you tight in my thoughts,
Nancy

.
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- kristen-9.7.15 @ Youngatheart.7.4.12 on Oct 28, 2017 10:34 AM
  I will see his son from time to time. I work at his school. I will also probably see my now EX because he wil have to come to my office for IEP's meetings for is son. I just don't understand why my relationships fail. I think I'm meant to be single.
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  - Sootie @ kristen-9.7.15 on Oct 28, 2017 1:01 PM
    kristen-9.7.15
    I'm not even sure if this is acceptable to say in 2017----but, being single isn't really a curse!. With all of the dating and mating and hook up sites I wasn't sure if it was still acceptable to decide that you are a person unto yourself and you can survive and thrive as a single wonderful person. If a relationship that is beneficial to your being comes along....OK. But it's not a necessary for a happy full life.
    I didn't mean to lecture....but I don't want you spiraling down to a "what's wrong with me" mentality.......NOTHING! You're great....and you are interesting and you are a fantastic person with or without someone. I realize you miss the little boy......but, sounds like you work with lots of kids and can help them with your love and commitment.
    And yes----I guess you could say.....I really can't talk because I have been in a relationship for many years. BUT----I have many strong, wonderful, beautiful women in my family and among my friends who are single and quite happy. They don't want to trade their lives for anything.
    Now----pick yourself up---go shopping ---don't smoke (treat yourself to perfume or something) and find all the positive things about YOU! His loss.
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Mortalzeus Oct 28, 2017 10:17 AM
Oh Kristen please hang on! After 3 failed marriages and numerous failed relationships, I can just feel the pain and frustration in your words. We all know that only time will lessen the pain and smoking will not improve the passing of time. Although wanting to stop the pain "NOW" is the focus, please glance into the future and see yourself stronger and even more confident having survived this without smoking. Please don't let anyone or anything take away your quit.
Huge Hugs and Non Stop Prayers for you! Let us hold your hand through this Please!
Darren
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- kristen-9.7.15 @ Mortalzeus on Oct 28, 2017 10:40 AM
  Thank you Mortalzeus. The sad thing is, I can't even make it down the aisle once!!! Lol
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  - BonnieBee.quit.2.8.15 @ kristen-9.7.15 on Oct 28, 2017 9:09 PM
    You still have your sense of humor and that is a good thing to hold onto no matter how hard things get !
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Sootie Oct 28, 2017 10:25 AM
How well we all know this feeling.......and it is a DANGEROUS one!!! So....stay close to the site and read and blog and read and blog. DO NOT SMOKE. Deep down---you know smoking will not make you feel any better.....and will probably make you feel worse!!! Take it one second at a time and know that things really will work out.......and without smoking.
Stay strong
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- kristen-9.7.15 @ Sootie on Oct 28, 2017 10:42 AM
  Thank you Sootie I have to go to the store and I'm a little nervous to go.
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Marilyn.H.July.14.14. Oct 28, 2017 10:56 AM
You can go to the store and get what you need while telling yourself that you are an Ex Smoker and that you will not return to that horrid addiction because you don't do that anymore and please eat a little something ok Xo! kristen-9.7.15
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crazymama_Lori Oct 28, 2017 11:01 AM
Don't let the thought of smoking comfort you. it's a tricky thing that it does within our brains to fool us into believing that it will save us and be with us forever. Please read this blog that I wrote about my daughter and our break-up. I think it will resonate with you considering you lost a 2 year quit over similar circumstances Once upon a time
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- kristen-9.7.15 @ crazymama_Lori on Oct 28, 2017 6:13 PM
  Thanks for the link crazymama_Lori. I will try.
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Giulia Oct 28, 2017 12:43 PM
"I have to go to the store and I'm a little nervous to go." No reason to be IF you've made up your mind before going not to buy a pack while there. Replay the Relapse

You have a two year milestone coming up. It's a lot more fun than a Day One.

Will smoking comfort you, Kristen? Do want to walk down the imaginary aisle with IT and stay married to IT for the next X number of years? Does a cigarette in hand make you feel more loved? If course not.    You know the truth of it, you said it:   "I know it's for the best and I've known for awhile we weren't right for each other" Dwell on that thought rather than the I'm going to be so lonely, etc." If it's 'for the best,' and you aren't 'right for each other,' then it's good to move forward and onto that which IS the best, and for which you ARE right for each other. (Of course if your statement was just a way to 'get through the hard time' then that's another matter. But I'm assuming that's not the case.) Sometimes we're more in love with the "idea" of a relationship than the actuality of it. It still hurts to lose it, I know.

Lessons to be learned through this experience, perhaps. Not bad ones, but good ones. I'm glad at least that you'll get to see the boy. It's important for both of you. And it's gonna be hard. Sending strength, courage and love.

As far as smoking - remember and repeat after me: "I DON'T DO THAT ANY MORE!"

What? Didn't quite hear you?

I DON'T DO THAT ANY MORE!

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- kristen-9.7.15 @ Giulia on Oct 28, 2017 6:15 PM
  I DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE!
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jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 Oct 28, 2017 5:15 PM
Where are you? I'll have Superman fly Sewnya-Lips-Shut over there right away and then you'll have to smoke through your nose or your years.
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- kristen-9.7.15 @ jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 on Oct 28, 2017 6:06 PM
  I'm here jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 No smoking. Heading out to Bachelors Grove in midlothian. Have you heard of it? It's one of the most haunted cemeteries in the US. I live 2 minutes from there. The forest preserve and paranormal people are giving walking tours. Thank goodness my brother called and I now have plans.
  
  Bachelors Grove Cemetery - Illinois (travel channel) - YouTube
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  - jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 @ kristen-9.7.15 on Oct 28, 2017 7:00 PM
    Look for the Haunted Hellicopter
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BonnieBee.quit.2.8.15 Oct 28, 2017 9:06 PM
Oh Lord I have been through break ups that nearly broke me I know so well what you are going through and it is an awful place to be . It is like a death when you love someone even when you know it is for the best . Allow yourself to grieve go through all the emotions smoking will not make it better you will feel worse for giving in to that tricky nicodemon .
I am thinking of the little boy maybe you could keep a relationship with him for his sake in the future, just give yourself a little time . Children go through so much because of our relationships we sometimes don't think of what they are going through . I am sorry to say my own children were badly affected because of break ups .
Hang in there Kristen I am praying for you .
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JACKIE1-25-15 Oct 28, 2017 10:27 PM
So sorry this has happened. I am praying that you do not resort to smoking. I would be so disappointed. It would break my heart. I have already lost one close friend to relapse. I do not want to lose another. Please please do what you have to do so not to smoke. I believe you can. There is no advice that I can give except, what would you say if I was in the same position. Never give up. Do not give in please protect your quit. Thanks for coming here. We are here for you. Love you the most. Take care of yourself . Sometimes these situations will cause you to realize that are #1.
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- kristen-9.7.15 @ JACKIE1-25-15 on Oct 29, 2017 6:11 PM
  Thank you Jackie
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NewMe Oct 29, 2017 5:04 AM
I don't know that I have any new words of wisdom for you, except to say look at how many people here care about you and are wanting to do everything they can to help you resist any hint of an urge to go back. It is so much easier to just stay quit at this point no matter what life throws your way. I was a bit jealous of you for figuring out how to quit at a younger age than most of us. Before too many years of smoking takes such a physical toll on your body that it might do irreparable damage. Since you have been on this site about the same length of time as me, I know you have seen other Ex'ers die and/or suffer from severe smoking-related illness. So do whatever you have to in order to protect your quit .Come here as often as you can. Talk to friends and family about the sadness you are feeling. Get together with friends to get your mind on something else. Time is a healer. Smoking will not make anything better, but it most definitely can make things (your health) worse. Hang in there! Sending hugs and thoughts of strength your way.
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Youngatheart.7.4.12 Oct 29, 2017 9:12 AM
How was the graveyard visit? I hope it was spookedly wonderful!!!
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- kristen-9.7.15 @ Youngatheart.7.4.12 on Oct 29, 2017 11:45 AM
  It was something to do. We didn't get a guided tour. There were hundreds, if not thousands of people there. I don't think the people running it expected that.
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maryfreecig Oct 29, 2017 11:56 AM
Pain of loss is very tough. The courage to come here and ask for help says something powerful about keeping your quit. I pray that the worst of your pain will subside soon enough so that you don't feel on edge. Yes you can, one day at a time.
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- kristen-9.7.15 @ maryfreecig on Oct 29, 2017 6:11 PM
  I want to keep my quit. I so do!
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cpsono Oct 29, 2017 12:31 PM
My dear Kristen, I feel your pain. I have been where you are and it is a terrible place to be. You've gotten excellent advice from our dear community and I dont have much to add except this--do whatever you need to do to make yourself feel comfortable-cry, sing really loudly, sleep too much, call a girlfriend, etc, etc. The only thing you MUST NOT do is smoke. Losses are going to come in your life, my life, everyone's lives. We can't let it break us. You are a beautiful young woman and I have great faith that you will get through this without nasty cigs. You don't want to feel badly about yourself and you will feel that if you smoke. I believe that it is Giulia who says that there isn't much we can control in life but not smoking is one thing we can control--it is completely our decision, not anyone else's, and that very fact makes us powerful!! You are stronger than any break-up and I'm not trying to minimize what you're going through. It really is a big deal but you are strong in your quit and you will remember NOPE and NEF. I am so glad you came here and blogged. You may not realize it but you helped me and a lot of others here. Please take care of yourself and let us know how you are doing. XOXO
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kristen-9.7.15 Oct 29, 2017 4:29 PM
I picked up my things. I cried. I didn't want to let him see me cry. He blamed me the whole time. The things that he said I did wrong seem so minor to me. He took no responsibility for anything.
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- JACKIE1-25-15 @ kristen-9.7.15 on Oct 29, 2017 4:44 PM
  So sorry that you had to go through that. The hurt will heal. When you get my age you just say NEXT, shrug your shoulders and count it all joy and a blessing that you no longer deal with the crazy roller coaster rides. It's their loss if they can not recognize a good woman. Head up dry your tears. The best is yet to come. You have to go through to get to. Hugs and kisses.
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  - kristen-9.7.15 @ JACKIE1-25-15 on Oct 29, 2017 6:13 PM
    JACKIE1-25-15 I have gone through. I thought this was it. I can't handle the break up I've had lots of practice ad it doesn't get any easier.
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    - JACKIE1-25-15 @ kristen-9.7.15 on Oct 30, 2017 1:01 PM
      When you get to the point that you love you first, it really won't matter, what you have to go through to get to. Keep smiling, I love you and God loves you. Trouble don't last always. Give it to God and let HIM fix it. Let his will be done in your life. It is not your own. You belong to HIM.
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      - kristen-9.7.15 @ JACKIE1-25-15 on Oct 30, 2017 3:30 PM
        Thank you Jackie.
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- Mortalzeus @ kristen-9.7.15 on Oct 29, 2017 4:51 PM
  So sad Kristen, push back on this guilt trip (there is always two people involved in the failure or success of a relationship). I prayed for you in Church today and hope you continue to stay strong and move forward!
  
  Huge Hugs
  Darren
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  - kristen-9.7.15 @ Mortalzeus on Oct 29, 2017 6:17 PM
    Thanks a lot Mortalzeus. I really appreciate it.
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Giulia Oct 29, 2017 5:14 PM
He blamed you the whole time, huh? Well then, be happy you're out of it. A man like that no one needs as a partner in life. Relationships are a two-way street. And there are responsibilities on BOTH sides.

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- kristen-9.7.15 @ Giulia on Oct 29, 2017 6:14 PM
  hopefully I will see it that way sooner than later
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elvan Oct 29, 2017 5:40 PM
I am SO SORRY, I so wished things would work out, particularly for that little boy, I KNOW you love him and I am sure he loves you as well. HIS loss is the biggest one. I so wish it did not turn out like this, you are a beautiful young woman who has a great deal to offer, a person who never takes responsibility for any issues in a relationship is a person to get your running shoes on for. My heart hurts for you, I wish I could take away some of the pain...it has often confounded me that there are pain pills for physical pain but, to my knowledge, there is nothing for emotional pain. Just like quitting, recovery is one day at a time. You have come so far and you have done so well...PLEASE, PLEASE take care of yourself, PLEASE don't smoke. You would have even more reason to feel pain. You can get through this and come out stronger on the other side.

We love you, sweet Kristen, we love you and we want you to succeed, we want you to travel with us.
((((((KRISTEN))))))
Ellen
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- kristen-9.7.15 @ elvan on Oct 29, 2017 6:16 PM
  thank you Ellen. I don't think I will smoke but I also thought this would have been my last relationship.
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Strudel Oct 29, 2017 6:49 PM
You CAN protect this quit! It has been a gift you gave yourself and you need to hang on to it - no matter what. I am so very sorry about you relationship - I am sure it is so very painful. But, I can promise you that smoking will NOT HELP!
You did exactly the right thing by coming here - keep doing that!

"There comes a time in your life when you realize that if you stand still, you will remain at this point forever. You realize that if you fall and stay down, life will pass you by.
Life's circumstances are not always what you might wish them to be. The pattern of life does not necessarily go as you plan. Beyond any understanding, you may at times be led in a different direction that you never imagined, dreamed, or designed. Yet if you had never put any effort into choosing a path, or tried to carry out your dream, then perhaps you would have no direction at all.
Rather than wondering about or questioning the direction your life has taken, accept the fact that there is a path before you now. Shake off the "why's" and "what if's," and rid yourself of confusion.
Whatever was - is the past. Whatever is - is what's important. The past is a brief reflection. The future is yet to be realized. Today is here.
Walk your path one step at a time - with courage, faith, and determination. Keep your head up, and cast your dreams to the stars. Soon your steps will become firm and your footing will be solid again. A path that you never imagined will become the most comfortable direction you could have ever hoped to follow.
Keep your belief in yourself and walk into your new journey. You will find it magnificent, spectacular, and beyond your wildest imaginings."
~Vicki Silvers

Please - take care!
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- Sootie @ Strudel on Oct 29, 2017 7:24 PM
  Strudel Kathy----thanks for sharing this......what an inspiration. And I truly believe this for both the good and the bad that has happened in my life. Last year at this time, I was again facing Thanksgiving and probably Christmas without my daughter. Air flights too expensive/not enough time off from work.......but was telling myself---"it's ok...she's happy and healthy....has friends, has work she loves." I had accepted. But of course, all things change and THIS year my daughter is an easy car ride away from me and will be here this weekend AND for Thanksgiving.
  kristen-9.7.15 A year (or even a month) can make a huge difference in circumstances. Accept and enjoy what IS today but know that other things are around the corner for you if you just stay open to them. I KNOW you are going to be OK!!!!!
  Stay Strong
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KMC56 Oct 29, 2017 9:51 PM
Hang in there, one moment at a time, be strong, fight for your freedom..stay strong sweetie!!
~Kathy
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gardenancy8 Oct 30, 2017 12:52 AM
You have almost two yrs and YOU WANT TO THROW THAT AWAY FOR SOME OTHER PERSON ???? OH hell no! Two frigging yrs Kristen! You are going to have many things in life that suck, that is no reason to want to go and inhale some poison. Suck it up and get through it. And I can say this, because I am going through something very horrible also. Big hugs and keep moving forward, because you don't smoke anymore. xo kristen-9.7.15
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OldBones-Larry Oct 30, 2017 1:46 PM
Kristen my friend.....
Feel all the love here for you.
I know breaking up is hard, but breathing with screwed up lungs is even harder! When Ol' Nic is whispering his lies, think about everyone here and the love they send to you. We care deeply about you.
So, when you think about that cancer stick, I want you to do this one thing first.
Think of each person you know here and try to imagine their voice as they say just one thing.
What are they saying?
"I Love You!" over and over and over again...........
Larry
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- kristen-9.7.15 @ OldBones-Larry on Oct 30, 2017 3:29 PM
  Thank you Larry. That's very sweet of you.
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Jennifer-Quit-05-01-14 Oct 30, 2017 3:20 PM
Hope that you are feeling better Kristen. You have been on my mind.
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- kristen-9.7.15 @ Jennifer-Quit-05-01-14 on Oct 30, 2017 3:29 PM
  Not much. I am sick to my stomach. Can't eat. Thanks for thinking of me.
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rollercoaster831 Oct 30, 2017 3:50 PM
Hang in there! I know so many have chimed in and are here to support you. I am local and in the Chicago area. I am happy and willing to help you if you need. Take it one second at a time. Stick with it and try to eat something even if it is chicken soup.
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- kristen-9.7.15 @ rollercoaster831 on Oct 31, 2017 8:46 AM
  rollercoaster831 Thank you. No smoking
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freeneasy Oct 30, 2017 4:56 PM
. Sorry to hear this. You should try to eat something light.It might help you feel better. You would feel worse if you lost your quit.
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- kristen-9.7.15 @ freeneasy on Oct 31, 2017 8:49 AM
  Thank you Jim
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elvan Oct 30, 2017 8:44 PM
kristen-9.7.15 I so wish that we could all make your pain go away but I know that no matter how much you know you are loved, you are hurt right now and you have a big wound that has to heal. I hope and pray that you can do something for yourself...something special, treat yourself somehow...you are worth it, you do not deserve this hurt. You are such a kind and loving person and you have many, many people here who are sending you love and hugs.
Ellen
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- kristen-9.7.15 @ elvan on Oct 31, 2017 8:51 AM
  elvan Thanks Ellen. I feel bad for him. He has been through so much. Even though he is the one who ended it, im sure i helped make his decision easy.
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  - JACKIE1-25-15 @ kristen-9.7.15 on Oct 31, 2017 9:23 AM
    Sometimes when we want something so badly we care more about the other person than we do ourselves. Baby girl. It is time to let the healing process start. You can not continue to blame yourself. Somethings are just not meant to be and we can not make them if it is in not in God's will. You want to be happy and obviously this is not it. You have given all you can give and you have to accept that and move on. Don't mean to sound harsh, but it is what it is. Learn from this. Your life is just as important has his and his child. Room temperature ginger ale and some crackers will help settle your stomach. You have to eat. I love you and God loves you, remember that. Try to smile. I love it when you smile.
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  - elvan @ kristen-9.7.15 on Oct 31, 2017 10:48 AM
    I agree with Jackie...don't take responsibility for this, you are an amazing woman and you need to remember that and the fact that no matter what he has been through, it had nothing to do with you, you did everything you COULD do for him and for his little boy...you tried to make a family. He wasn't ready to accept that, you are not responsible for his shortcomings.
    
    I hope you can start to eat soon...you have to take care of yourself, no relationship is worth falling apart over...at least none that I have ever had.
    
    Love and hugs,
    Ellen
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    - kristen-9.7.15 @ elvan on Oct 31, 2017 11:43 AM
      I'm trying JACKIE1-25-15 elvan
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      - elvan @ kristen-9.7.15 on Oct 31, 2017 7:04 PM
        Oh honey, we KNOW you are, I so wish I could get a hug to go through the computer and just hold you and feed you ice cream and comfort food. It will get better but there is no way to make it better right now. You are loved by so many people here...PLEASE feel that love coming to you.
        Ellen
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      - JACKIE1-25-15 @ kristen-9.7.15 on Oct 31, 2017 8:36 PM
        I know you can do.
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puffthemagicdragon Nov 16, 2017 11:40 AM
pssst. pssst. hey. it's me. you didn't do it did you? personally ... i'm sort of glad about it all, in a selfish way. you were a lot more amusing when you were single. trust me ... except for the kiddies, it's not too bad.

hang in there, kris-ten.
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- elvan @ puffthemagicdragon on Nov 16, 2017 12:17 PM
  puffthemagicdragon You DO know that we were about to send out a search and rescue team for you, right? No, she didn't do it! Thank God!
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- Marilyn.H.July.14.14. @ puffthemagicdragon on Nov 16, 2017 1:01 PM
  It is absoloutely super fantastic to see you Puff puffthemagicdragon
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Giulia Nov 16, 2017 12:39 PM
A Puff sighting oh boy! puffthemagicdragon I was going to put up a dragon but non-copyrighted images are hard to find and as the rules have changed here.... here's a whole page for your delight: http://bestanimations.com/Fantasy/Dragons/Dragons.html Hope all is well on your cloud.
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kristen-9.7.15 Nov 16, 2017 4:48 PM
I'm glad my break up and sadness brought you back puffthemagicdragon! Haha. I'm still smoke free!
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- puffthemagicdragon @ kristen-9.7.15 on Nov 16, 2017 5:37 PM
  Me too. Now dry those eyes, put your big girl pants (back) on, and let's get back to living 'happy,' smoke-free lives. Nobody's perfect, and if he can't accept you with all your faults or forgive you for whatever you did to screw up the relationship, or even pretend to be partially at fault just because, then you don't want him anyway!
  
  LOL!
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  - kristen-9.7.15 @ puffthemagicdragon on Nov 16, 2017 5:42 PM
    Haha... I do have a lot of faults but smoking is not one of them Anymore! Lol
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    - puffthemagicdragon @ kristen-9.7.15 on Nov 16, 2017 5:48 PM
      Here's to you then! Cheers! <clink, clink>
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  - OldBones-Larry @ puffthemagicdragon on Nov 16, 2017 7:45 PM
    Hold it!! She had her big girl pants off!!!!
    Where was I when this happened?
    Dang!!!!!!
    Just my luck!!
    LOL
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kristen-9.7.15 Dec 19, 2017 12:14 PM
I just saw my ex boyfriend's son for the first time since we broke up 2 months ago. I work at his school and had to walk his mom down to the Christmas program. His mom said he is always asking about me. He ran up to me and gave me a great big hug. I miss him so much. I have been going to the bathroom hiding because i am crying. I knew the first time i saw him would be difficult. At the moment i am forgetting all the reasons my ex and i are not good for each other. I just love that little boy so much. Why couldn't this have been my last relationship??
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- jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 @ kristen-9.7.15 on Dec 19, 2017 12:23 PM
  Take some deep breaths.
  Without a cigarette.
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- maryfreecig @ kristen-9.7.15 on Dec 19, 2017 4:10 PM
  Ditto on Jackie's response. To every season...can soften the sting of difficult times. Easy does it.
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JACKIE1-25-15 Dec 19, 2017 12:25 PM
Why couldn't this have been my last relationship?? I truly wish I could give you the answer. It may be over with the EX but not the little boy. You touched his life and there is a time and a season for all things. Here is the reference hopefully you will take the time to read the entire passage it may bring you some comfort. It is okay to cry but only for a little while.
Ecclesiastes 3
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: King James Version (KJV
Giving you support here is what we do. Hang on tight, stay close, wipe your eyes. Your quit is very important this time of the year. Protect it.
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Youngatheart.7.4.12 Dec 19, 2017 1:05 PM
How ARE you? I remembered this song this morning. I would play it EVERY morning when I got to work, and sing it out loud with as much gusto as I could.

Hope it helps you, too!
Thinking of you!
Nancy
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Giulia Dec 19, 2017 1:10 PM
"Why couldn't this have been my last relationship??" Because there's a better one in store.

You love the child. That's good. But you didn't love the relationship with his father. Really think back to the reason you are no longer together. It's okay to weep for the loss of the son. Try not to mistake it for weeping for the other.

You have come much too far to relinquish your quit, Kristen. I hurt for you. You must be strong for the boy.
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kristen-9.7.15 Dec 19, 2017 1:14 PM
Thanks guys. It is so weird that this happened today. Since Sunday I have been having the urge to text him. I think what triggered it was being out at the bar on Saturday night to see a band. All i wanted to do was be at home. I kept thinking i would rather be at home doing family, kid things with the ex. I am having a hard time not texting him. I haven't since the break up. But then i think "what if he is waiting for me to text"?
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kristen-9.7.15 Dec 19, 2017 1:15 PM
I'm happy to say smoking has not really crossed my mind. The "addiction" to contact my ex has been. LOL.
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- Youngatheart.7.4.12 @ kristen-9.7.15 on Dec 19, 2017 1:31 PM
  Don't DO it - if he did not accept his part in the incompatibility - he is NOT worth having. I think perhaps you want the RELATIONSHIP more than you want him in particular - and if this is true, just say NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
  Thinking of you!
  Nancy
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  - kristen-9.7.15 @ Youngatheart.7.4.12 on Dec 19, 2017 1:38 PM
    I know you are absolutely right Nancy. I want to have a family, not particularly with my ex. I know it but i just can't shake it. I am googling everything to talk myself out of texting! LOL...Gosh, i was doing so good all these 2 months and then BAM! Am I in relationship NML??? Hahaha
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    - elvan @ kristen-9.7.15 on Dec 19, 2017 8:27 PM
      kristen-9.7.15 You are such an amazing young woman and the right man IS out there...it just is not HIM. You are too good for him. I MEAN that. You deserve to be treated like the treasure you are.
      
      Big hugs...so glad they didn't have texting around when I was young. I might have gotten into some real trouble. I am so glad that smoking has not been on your mind.
      XOXO,
      Ellen
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      - kristen-9.7.15 @ elvan on Dec 19, 2017 8:41 PM
        elvan People can’t understand why I deleted my Facebook so many years ago. For this exact reason! You CANT get away from your past, ie EX boyfriends! It is too easy to contact and receive unwanted updates on exes! I wish there was no texting or internet ( there should only be internet to quit smoking! Haha).
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        elvan @ kristen-9.7.15 on Dec 19, 2017 8:59 PM
        Man, I really am glad there was no internet or cell phones when I was young, I REALLY would have been in trouble. I am sure that it's much harder these days because you cannot really get away from people who you were in a relationship with. Wow, Facebook would be HORRIBLE. I only signed up for it to communicate with my kids and many people from my past have contacted me. Seriously? I can hardly remember most of them.
        
        You are getting there, you really are, it's just hard to see those baby steps making progress but they ARE.
        XOXO,
        Ellen
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        kristen-9.7.15 @ elvan on Dec 19, 2017 9:05 PM
        So much harder!
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Thomas3.20.2010 Dec 19, 2017 4:53 PM

You deserve so much better! Don't sell yourself short! The he you want to love doesn't exist - he's already proven that he is not that. But somewhere out there is so don't give up looking - just not that way!
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Giulia Dec 19, 2017 9:15 PM
This latest commentary just makes me all the more happy that I never signed up on Facebook. My birds tweet in the back yard. That's good enough for me. It's too bad they don't have filters for exes. Put in the name of your ex on a filter and you no longer receive ANY INFO about them whatsoever. Since that's not the case, YOU have to filter it all out.

Practice the "re-focus" techniques you do for a craving. It will work just as well.
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- Mandolinrain @ Giulia on Dec 19, 2017 10:33 PM
  I dunno how i ever missed tis blog, but kristen-9.7.15, your sure loved by all of us
  @Giulia Im not on FB either nor do I wanna be
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  - kristen-9.7.15 @ Mandolinrain on Dec 20, 2017 11:24 AM
    Mandolinrain Yeah, I was hoping this blog was behind me.... LOL
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- kristen-9.7.15 @ Giulia on Dec 20, 2017 11:25 AM
  At this moment, I think quitting smoking was easier! LOL.... I will be fine. I just have to remind myself why we broke up in the first place.
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ampan75 Dec 20, 2017 10:54 AM
remember.... when going gets tough..... tough ones get going...... be tough lady....
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Rick_M Dec 20, 2017 6:52 PM
Kristen so glad you made it thru this and did not smoke. Smoking never fixed nothing. You always were a strong quitter. All things happen for a reason. It will work out for you and it will be better.....Good things happen to good people...
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- kristen-9.7.15 @ Rick_M on Dec 20, 2017 8:53 PM
  Thanks Rick. It has been challenging!
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Daniela-3-11-2016 Dec 20, 2017 7:09 PM
I am so sorry kristen-9.7.15, I missed the original post too; so sad for your loss, you are beautiful and have a beautiful heart, and you did great by not smoking. My apologies for not being there for your when you needed all of us around, as you deserved it!
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- kristen-9.7.15 @ Daniela-3-11-2016 on Dec 20, 2017 8:54 PM
  Daniela-3-11-2016 Thank you. That is very sweet of you to say.
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  - elvan @ kristen-9.7.15 on Dec 21, 2017 11:33 AM
    Hold on, Kristen, the worst thing you could do is to reach out to him...he's not worth it, I know that part of you thinks he is and certainly that his little boy is. It is so unfair of him to have hurt you this way but...what goes around...
    
    Sending love and hugs and prayers for you. How about seeking out an angel tree or a toys for tots place and getting a gift for a child...the child in YOU?
    
    Ellen
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    - kristen-9.7.15 @ elvan on Dec 21, 2017 1:10 PM
      elvan I held on. I did not contact him.
      
      I feel bad that i may have portrayed him as a bad person. He was not. He had is faults but so did I. We both did and said some mean things and of course you are only hearing my side the story. LOL... He deserves happiness just as much as I do. He is a wonderful person and an amazing dad. We just didn't mesh well together and he and I can't help who we love, who we don't love. I hope he finds someone great for him and his son; I just hope I find mine first! HAHAHA
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      - elvan @ kristen-9.7.15 on Dec 21, 2017 4:45 PM
        kristen-9.7.15 I hope you find someone very, very special LONG BEFORE he does. I understand that he cannot be a terrible person because I remember how happy you were. Sometimes, people just do not mesh, I get it. I also know that you both probably said and did things that made it harder...I am proud of you for not reaching out to him. I am sure that it wasn't easy.
        
        Sure do wish I had a single son.
        Hugs,
        Ellen
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Quit in Danger

Outcomes

Ecclesiastes 3

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: King James Version (KJV

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