Oh, my, Kristen! My heart is breaking FOR you. I have been there and done that and I remember well how much it hurts. I know it's trite, but time WILL heal your pain.
For now - think about exactly what smoking will do FOR you.......oh, wait, the answer to that is NOTHING, ZILCH, NADA. Now - think about going back to Day One. Remember, as clearly as you can, how difficult those first weeks were.
THEN - find your hit of dopamine another way. Perhaps a brisk walk outside in this wonderful Fall air. Swing your arms, perhaps think about the reasons this relationship wasn't right for you.Cuss to yourself as you walk to get any anger out (this worked for me!!!) Think AHEAD to when you will feel like company again - and where you might meet some new friends! Perhaps you can volunteer? Join the Y for the exercise AND social aspect.
Not yet - but perhaps you can arrange to see the little boy from time to time. When my husband left me, I went to a therapist to see how best to help my kids. He said that it didn't matter how often he saw them - but that he made plans ahead of time and showed up at the appointed date/time (he was not interested in any scheduled visitation).
Get something easy to eat - like yogurt, maybe a milkshake, scrambled eggs, toast, waffles, English muffins? Even if it's only a few bites -- if you don't take care of you, the next thing you know you will get sick and that will be TWICE as miserable (if that's possible!).
When it happened to me, I could not stop crying. After a bit, I decided that it was enough, and when I would start to think about it all again, I would say "STOP IT" - out loud if possible and MAKE myself think about something else.
I will hold you tight in my thoughts,
Nancy
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