Having a hard time!

[turtlegirl101]

I'm having a really hard time today. Found out last evening that my ex-husband's grandma who I was close to passed away. It wasn't unexpected as she had cancer and was terminal. I haven't told my children yet and I know they are gonna be devastated.  I've just been feeling really agitated and had a hard time sleeping last night which makes me even more irritable. I know that smoking isn't the answer and that it won't change anything. I just don't know what to do. 

[maryfreecig]

Death is harder on those left, so they say. Death in the family is always difficult. Sorry for your loss.

You can get through this one day at a time. The pain takes its own time. Keep your quit and know that time will take care of your grief and your children's grief.

[turtlegirl101]

I know! Even though I knew it was coming it is still hard and I think I have a tendency to unhealthily cope with stress and emotions I don't want to feel with smoking. So I just need to learn how to breath through it and feel my feelings! I hadn't cried yet until I started typing this! So thank you! I think I just needed an emotional release. Another aspect of the whole thing is that if I choose to go to the memorial I will have to be around my ex and his family, which is hard for me. 

[maryfreecig]

I hear you. It's my tendency to want to run like hell at times, and death is the big one. Brings home love. 

[YoungAtHeart]

I am so sorry for your loss.  But - smoking will not do one thing for you.  You ARE learning to live your life out in the clear and not behind that cloud of smoke....and crying is part of that.  We hid from our emotions for so long, that it's difficult at first to feel them all.

Your children will grieve, too - and they should learn that it's part of this life, too.  Just be there for them - and remember she will live in all of your hearts forever!

Nancy

[turtlegirl101]

True thanks Nancy!! 

[Jennifer-Quit]

You did the right thing by coming here and talking about it.  It always helped me to just get things off my chest.  Hope that you are feeling better by now.  My condolences to you and your family on your loss.

[turtlegirl101]

I am feeling better thanks. My girls and I went and bought some helium balloons and  markers so that we could write down all the things that we loved about her on them and then release them into the sky. I also went on a little bike ride around where I live. So that was a nice way to blow off some steam/anxiety/agitation.  I really appreciate this group and all the support! I wish I had found it all the other times that I have tried to quit!  

[elvan]

turtlegirl101‌  You are used to dealing with emotions by NOT dealing with them, by stuffing them down when you smoke.  Every addict has done that, the first difficult time we have to deal with is a rough but necessary learning experience.  You KNOW that smoking would not help with the grief and it would likely lead to great disappointment in yourself and for your kids who I am sure are happy that you are not smoking.  It is always hard to lose someone but she is at peace now, no more pain, no struggling for her.  She has moved to a better place.  I think quitting is a lot like grieving, the difficult times come in waves...some are ripples and some are tsunamis.  You CAN get through this without smoking, it is not easy but it IS doable.  You have already come so far, you do not want to have another day one. Please take care of yourself and know that the withdrawal from nicotine is making you THINK that your feelings are more intense...your feelings are NORMAL.

Hugs to you and your kids,

Ellen

[turtlegirl101]

You are so right Ellen! I have a tendency to stuff my emotions and then smoke and then act like I'm dealing with my feelings. When in reality I'm just distracting myself, switching my focus, and not dealing with anything at all! My kids are happy that I've quit. They are very supportive of me and my quit!!