Any falling outs with old smoking groups?

[Dani_2017]

Hi again everyone. 

First of all, thank you all for your comments and thoughts on my post yesterday, they were much appreciated. 

Today I wanted to ask about relationships in general with old smoking groups. To give you some context, I feel as if all of the people that I used to smoke with are sort of treating me like I have the plague. I wasn't expecting them to rejoice in me deciding to quit, nor do I need their praise, but it seems like it is something more than that. Today one of my smoking coworkers actually belittled me for quitting! So my questions are 1) anyone experienced this before? 2) how did you handle it? 3) why are the smokers acting like I have the plague?? 

Any ideas are greatly appreciated. 

Thanks for reading. 

[YoungAtHeart]

You might be reinforcing their feelings of inferiority for still smoking.  They KNOW it's bad for them - and they may see you as "showing them up" by quitting.  They are probably jealous, too.  They want what you are giving yourself by quitting.

You might tell them you are disappointed at their reaction and tell them their support would be appreciated.  If they still treat you badly, just give yourself a break from them.  You might start to hang out with the nonsmokers at social occasions and even at work. Go for a quick walk during your breaks - or join your other coworkers if they take nonsmoking breaks.

Right now your quit needs to be your #1 priority.  These folks will still be there when you are further along in your quit and you can join them and not smoke - but that's a ways down the road.

YOU need to be proud of you - each night before you go to sleep, be sure to give yourself a pat on the back for another Day Won!!!

And please know that WE are proud of you, too!

Nancy

[Dani_2017]

Thank you, Nancy! You're the best  

[misty_dawn]

What Nancy said!!

[elvan]

Their addictions are threatened.  I had many friends tell me at the beginning that they "wish they could quit."  They didn't and they aren't going to, they are going to smoke until something stops them...or they die.  I had to back away from them, only spend time with them in nonsmoking places.  I miss them but then again, if smoking was all we had in common, maybe I really DON'T miss them.  Hang in there, you are doing a great job and your friends don't think YOU have the plague, they think THEY do.

Ellen

[Dani_2017]

This is so insightful, thank you. I've never thought about it that way before. 

It just feels like an odd position to be in: those who have never smoked don't understand the process of quitting, and current smokers want nothing to do with it! Feels rather strange. 

[Giulia]

I echo both of the sentiments and wisdom of Ellen and Nancy.  Fear and jealousy.  Also, don't forget - you've changed.  You're a bit of an alien creature to them now that you're growing some wings.  They're still stuck in the muck of the pond, but you're taking flight.  Will you still be the same person when you can fly?  

Just look at this before and after picture of a dragonfly.  The first is you, the smoker.

And this is the you that emerges smoke free....

And the ones still in the pond aren't quite sure you're going to be the same person.  You're now different.  And different can be scary and unsettling.  On both sides of the pond!  The relationship has changed slightly because YOU have changed and they haven't.  And that's bound to feel a bit weird at first.  But I imagine it will all even out with time.  

[Dani_2017]

Giulia‌ thank you, this is so so helpful. I always look forward to your comments. 

[c2q]

Hey Dani! Very proud of you - almost a week quit! Way to go! You raise some good questions about the quit experience. There are 3 parts to my answer, and they may seem slightly contradictory at first glance.

1. You are the one who has changed, not them.  People are responding to the fact that your behavior is changing, and they don't know how that's going to impact them. They are wary. That's okay, that's good even. It means they care about their relationship with you. Just put that fact in your pocket and carry on.

2. You may not be the nicest version of yourself right now. When we quit, we have to get through nicotine withdrawal symptoms the first few weeks, like anger, irritability, anxiety depression, impatience - not fun for friends. Thank everybody in advance for putting up with you. Bring cookies to work, especially chocolate! 

3. Let it go. You are looking at the world with a whole new perspective. Just like our eyes have to adjust to getting new prescription glasses, it takes our brains a while to adjust to our new perspective when we quit smoking. You're doing great. Trust in that fact. Throw on a smile and walk away right from situations that undermine your goal. You can deal with that mess later. Protect your quit.

[Dani_2017]

c2q‌ thank you for sharing this, I appreciate your thoughts!