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Give and get support around quitting

Dani_2017
Member

Any tips on explaining the process of quitting to those who have never smoked?

Hi guys, 

I'm wondering if anyone has struggled with explaining the process of quitting (and how difficult it is) to someone who has never had a cigarette/has never had a nicotine addiction. I'm asking because I'm feeling a bit discouraged today; I had brunch plans with a group of friends but I had to cancel because I realized I was not ready for any bar-type exposure (it's only my forth day). Anyways, the organizer of the event, who has never smoked and therefore never been through the process of quitting, did not understand when I tried to explain my reasoning of not wanting to be around the bars. And now she is upset. 

So my questions are 1) has anyone had any experiences like this? 2) how did you deal with it? 3) is it possible to explain the process of quitting to someone who has never smoked? 

As always, thanks for reading. 

Tags (1)
7 Replies
Giulia
Member

In my experience it's very difficult to explain the difficulty of quitting and the tactics necessary to overcome it to those who have never experienced the addiction themselves.   Perhaps telling them that it IS an addiction, stronger than heroin, might get the point across.  People tend to grasp the physical addiction to heroin.  Most people don't really understand that smoking is addictive.  They think it's just a bad habit.  And, hey, we can all get over bad habits, right?!!!   The following is an old article, but it tells the tale:  NICOTINE - HARDER TO KICK...THAN HEROIN - NYTimes.com   Here's another one:  Smoking fact: Nicotine is MORE addictive than cocaine, morphine, heroin or alcohol – affecting BOTH ...   If the "heroin" analogy  doesn't work, try the alcoholic one.  Most people are able to grasp that for an alcoholic in the early stages of their quit (attending AA), going to a party where alcohol is served might not be the wisest of choices.  

You made a VERY WISE decision.  If she's upset - that's HER problem.  I'm guessing, but I suspect you already probably explained it to her fairly well and she still didn't "get it."  I'd be interested to find out if using the two analogies I mentioned work.

elvan
Member

Dani_2017  GREAT question, seriously great question and Giulia‌ just gave you the best answer I can think of.  I have tried to explain to people who never smoked...unfortunately, most of my friends were smokers and still are so they talk the talk but they have no interest in walking the walk.  They say over and over again that they "wish" they could quit.  I have given them becomeanex business cards, handed out all kinds of literature I can find.  I don't do that unless they ask me how I am doing it.  I DO move away from anyone who is smoking and in the beginning of my quit, I flat out told them that I had to put my quit first...that being around smoke was threatening to my quit and I knew they did not want to be responsible for me losing my quit.  (I actually think there was a part of them that would have LOVED for me to lose my quit so they would have their "buddy" back.)  Getting away from smoking is a journey and describing it as recovery to your friend(s) should help.  I would think seriously about telling that friend how her behavior made you feel but I have gotten a lot more open about expressing my feelings since I quit smoking.

Stay close to the site, we are here for you and your presence will make you AND others stronger.

Ellen

Dani_2017
Member

Hi Ellen, thanks so much for your response. I agree with you, I think getting away from smoking is a journey and a process. It will definitely take time, and I have to remind myself that it's a process that must always come first. Bars will still be there later. Thanks again for your thoughts. 

elvan
Member

You are so welcome.  I had my first alcoholic beverage after six months of freedom, it was my friend's birthday and it was a pool party.  I knew there would be a lot of smokers there but I thought I would be fine since it was outside and two people I really liked had quit smoking.  Unfortunately, they had both gone back to smoking, despite one with breast cancer and the other after a massive heart attack.  I had 2 beers (that's really my limit anyways), then I found myself reaching forward to pick up a pack of cigarettes sitting on the table...they were my brand and the lighter was right there.  I would have put my cigarettes in that precise location if I was still smoking.  I immediately excused myself and left.  I grabbed my suit coverup (a brand new white on white blouse that I had hung on the back of a chair).  When I got home, I hung it on my bedpost...I did not look at it until a couple of weeks later when I was going to wear it (I am not a great housekeeper).  Imagine my surprise when I found a big burn hole right in the center of the back.  I had to toss the blouse but I really considered it to be a big message.  

We are here, we are more than willing to support you in any way that we can.

Ellen

Diannnnn
Member

Ok, I'm gonna be a little *itchy here.

Why in heck do we have to justify what we need to make our quit successful?  I understand explaining to someone who may be curious about the process, that's cool. But if I say, "Hi dear friends or family. I know I said I would be at this gathering,  but since I responded I have quit smoking. This is really important to me and I don't feel comfortable enough to be around smoker's, bars, loud crowds, purple hair...it doesn't matter! If they care about you, they don't give you grief about it! You aren't saying you need to cut off their finger to protect your quit, you just need some space from triggers. I may be dense, but is it really so hard to give a friend such a small thing without a guilt trip?

K , I'm done.

Dani_2017
Member

I agree completely, which is why I was feeling a bit discouraged today 😕 

Diannnnn
Member

Don't let it bother you too much, your quit is the most important thing and you are doing great!