New to the Community but not to wanting to Quit.

[TurboRose]

Hi All,

Early April while getting my blood pressure checked, I broke down crying to the nurse practitioner about my anguish over “wanting” to stop smoking and my “inability” to quit.  She prescribed Bupropion to help but she gave me no other guidance.  In my search for more information, I found the “re-learn life without cigarettes EX” quit guide and subsequently this forum.  I’ve been following it for over a month.  My quit date is midnight June 30^th 2017.

I’ve stopped before; twice for Lent and a couple times because I was trying to quit.  The longest I went was about 3 months.  This forum has helped me better understand why my previous attempts didn’t work.  Besides my ignorance about nicotine addiction, I recognize my mindset has worked against me.

The quit guide asks us to list why we want to quit.  I had a hard time answering the question because deep down I don’t want to quit and if I don’t want to quit, no matter how often I try, I won’t succeed.  I am frightened I won’t quit.  My realization sent me into despair.  Am I doomed to spend the rest of my life loathing myself for smoking and feeling too weak to do anything about it?  .  I changed my approach to the question.  I asked myself, why don’t I want to quit smoking and the answers were interesting: I can’t imagine my life without cigarettes, I feel fear at the thought of never having another cigarette, I don’t know what I’d do if I don’t smoke, how will I fill my time, what would I do when the oral urge hits me and what if I’m too addicted to stop.  These are just a few of the reasons I thought of and then it hit me, if this is truly how I feel and what I think, I mine as well not even try to quit.  I need to believe myself capable of accomplishing this task.  I see a common thread.  All of the reasons are rooted in fear.  It’s a fear of the unknown of my having to learn to live my life differently.  I need to find a way to mentally and emotionally move into a space of “wanting to quit” in spite of my “wanting to continue.”  I asked myself to list reasons why it is in my best interest to quit in spite of not wanting to.  I don’t know if I’m fooling myself but I feel if I can list reasons why it’s in my best interest, I can use them as my tools to fight with.  The biggest reason stopping smoking is in my best interest is because I have used smoking as a means of invalidating myself.  It has given me a reason to think negatively about myself.  I believe stopping smoking is in my best interest because it is a demonstration of self-love and a sign that I believe myself valuable.  I believe stopping smoking is in my best interest because it will allow me to demonstrate that I have the fortitude to face challenges and not give up on my ability to overcome a challenge.

I’ve read and downloaded many articles from negative self-talk to will I miss smoking forever.  I’ve identified many triggers in my daily routine and I have practiced separating the trigger from smoking.  I recognize it might be best to eliminate alcohol and the occasional pot smoking.

I know some of the challenges I will meet.  The 1^st day I’ll wake up scared and as the day progresses I’ll begin experiencing emotionally painful thoughts and cry off and on.  I’ll get on and off the pity pot.  The second day, the oral cravings will kick in.  There is one huge difference; I’ll have this community to turn to for help and encouragement.

[YoungAtHeart]

Welcome to our community

I think you might add some things to your list of reasons to quit.  How about freedom from having to plan when to smoke, how and where; saving money spent on slowly killing yourself when you could spend it on something GOOD for yourself, instead; the obvious health benefits; no longer smelling like an ashtray ( I think you will be surprised how much you stink as a smoker),

Most of us felt anxious as we approached our quit dates; it's natural to fear the unknown.  The more you know, the less unknown it will become.  I don't know what you've read, so I will give you all the material I normally recommend.

The most important thing you can do right now is to educate yourself on what nicotine does to your body and mind. To that end, I highly recommend Allen Carr's “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking.” This is an easy and entertaining read. Here is a link to a free PDF version of it:

http://media.wix.com/ugd/74fa87_2010cc5496521431188f905b7234a829.pdf

 You should also read the posts here and perhaps go to the pages of folks who you think might be helpful. You might visit whyquit.com, quitsmokingonline.com and livewell.com for the good information contained there. @https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/best-of-ex has lots of blogs written by members of this site with their experiences and guidance. You should also do the tracking and separation exercises suggested in My Quit Plan http://www.becomeanex.org/my-quit-plan.php

After you have completed the recommended reading, it will be time to make an informed choice of the quit aid, if any, you will use. If you go that route, I personally recommend the aids that don't let the addict control the dose such as the available prescription drugs or the patch. If used properly, gum, lozenges and inhalers are fine, but they need to be used only as a last resort.  I have seen folks become addicted to them if they substitute them for every cigarette they used to smoke - just trading one addiction for another.  I do not recommend the e-cigarette for three reasons: 1) the vapor has been compared to the polluted air in Bejing on a bad day, 2) they just provide another nicotine delivery system while continuing the hand to mouth smoking motion, and 3) the batteries can spontaneously catch on fire. . But – any method that you think will work well for you will be best for you.

The idea is to change up your routines so the smoking associations are reduced.  Drink your coffee with your OTHER hand. If you always had that first smoke with your coffee, try putting your tennies on right out of bed, going for a quick walk, then taking your shower and THEN your coffee! Rearrange the furniture in the areas you used to smoke so the view is different. Buy your gas at a different station. Take a different route to work. Take a quick walk at break time where the smokers AREN'T.

You need to distract yourself through any craves.  You can take a bite out of a lemon (yup - rind and all), put your head in the freezer and take a deep breath of cold air, do a few jumping jacks, go for a brisk walk or march in place, play a computer game.  Don't let that smoking thought rattle around in your brain unchallenged. Sometimes you need to quit a minute or an hour at a time.  You will need to be disciplined in the early days to distract yourself when a crave hits.    Get busy!  Here is a link to a list of things to do instead of smoke if you need some fresh ideas:

https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/Youngatheart.7.4.12-blog/2013/02/25/100-things-to-do-instea...

The conversation in your head in response to the "I want a cigarette" thought needs to be, "Well, since I have decided not to do that anymore, what shall I do instead for the three minutes this crave will last?"  Then DO it.  You will need to put some effort into this in the early days, but it gets easier and easier to do.

Stay close to us here and ask questions when you have them and for support when you need it. We will be with you every step of the way!

Nancy

[TurboRose]

Thank you Nancy. I have read the articles you mentioned from this site as well as articles on other sites.  I purchased Allen Carr's book a few years ago and I've brought it back out to reread.  I know my head has to be in the right place.  I'm glad I shared my concerns/fears because everyone who's responded has been very helpful with suggestions and encouragement.  I have a lot of conversations to redirect and I'm glad to have examples because it didn't dawn on me to turn the "frown" upside down into a "smile."  I've been too focused on the negative.  

I'll stay close.

[MarilynH]

Welcome to the community, we're all here for you and your precious quit, please do the recommended reading above and read everything you here about quitting smoking and Remaining Quit because there's a wealth of information to strengthen your resolve to kick the nicotine poison to the curb, believe in yourself and know that you can and will be successful one precious smoke free day at a time or one hr, minute or even one second at a time but as long as you keep moving forward you will succeed. 

[TurboRose]

Thank Marilyn.H.July.14.14 for the encouragement.  I know that I need to take this inch by inch, minute by minute, one day at a time.  I'm glad I found this community. It'll be my life preserver. 

[Thomas3.20.2010]

Face

Everything

And

Recover!

First, Let me just say that what you EXpect is how it will turn out! But you can expect things to be very different this time - if you decide to!

" The 1^st day I’ll wake up scared and as the day progresses I’ll begin experiencing emotionally painful thoughts and cry off and on.  I’ll get on and off the pity pot.  The second day, the oral cravings will kick in. "

The first day I'll wake up EXcited about the New Adventure into Self Discovery and as the day progresses I'll get even more enthusiastic about the Wonderful insights I will uncover. I'll laugh with delight at how everything seems different when it isn't hidden under a smoke cloud! The second day, I will become amazed at all of the amazing new things I can do with the time I had been wasting smoking my DNA away! When I feel uncomfortable it will remind me how incredible the human body is at repairing years of abuse! I will smile from ear to ear as I leave Self Pollution and sloooow suicide behind me forever!

And we'll be here to celebrate each of these marvelous revelations of yours with YOU!

[elvan]

Welcome to EX, please do the reading and try not to be afraid.  There is nothing to fear in quitting although I can certainly relate to it, I quit unsuccessfully more than once and THEN...I found EX.  I did the reading, I identified my triggers, I planned for what I would do INSTEAD of smoking, for ME, the most helpful thing was to promise myself that I would be HONEST with myself if I wanted a cigarette. First I would ask WHY?  THEN I would ask myself what would change if I smoked...would things get better?  Would my pain go away?  Would my stress be relieved?  Would I feel more confident?  Would I feel less sad?  On and on and on and on...the HONEST answers were always NO.  I hated smoking, I hated being a smoker, I hated having anyone KNOW I was a smoker but I wasn't a closet smoker...it just has gotten to the point where there are very few "acceptable" places to smoke.  I got sick...I had been coming to this site, I had put together a "quit kit"...I had read many blogs.  When I got sick, I got REALLY sick, I wasn't sure I was going to survive an neither was my doctor.  He wanted me in ICU but, being a retired RN, I said no....I promised that if I did not start to improve in a few days, I would go to the hospital.  I had two antibiotics, a nebulizer, and three inhalers.  I drank GALLONS of juice and water, I used a vaporizer in my room.  I hung myself over the side of the bed with a pillow on the floor so I could get the stuff out of my lungs...I was so weak that I could not take a deep enough breath to cough.  I watched my husband and my son come to my room over and over again and I saw the looks of fear and helplessness on their faces.  I don't ever want to see those looks again...I know there is a good chance that I will die from the consequences of smoking but I am NOT going to accelerate it.  I have COPD, I don't smoke, haven't smoked in over three years, I work out, I eat right, I come to this site every day unless I am ill or cannot get on line.  I have gotten the support and education and friendship that has pulled me through some really hard times.  I hope that you change your thinking so that you WANT to quit, so that you realize what a horrible addiction this is.  Quitting is about being willing to grow, being willing to go forward.  You will not believe how you have stunted your emotional growth by smoking.  I will not tell you that it is easy, it was not easy for me but it was doable...I paid attention to what the elders told me...I paid attention to newbies and everyone in between.  I am so proud of myself, I am so much more confident, so much happier, I am a different person and I like this one a whole lot more than the one who was smoking. You CAN do this TurboRose‌.  Understand that it is a growing experience and that there is absolutely no reason why you cannot quit. I would strongly advice staying away from alcohol and pot at least for the first several months.  Cigarettes have to be Not One Puff Ever...NOPE, NOPE, NOPE!  I said that over and over again at the beginning of my quit.  

Stay close,

Ellen

[maryfreecig]

Well, you are not alone in thinking that smoking is everything--and therefor the smokes are impossible to let go of. When I was readying myself to quit, I realized that I put smoking first all the time, and so the idea of undoing that thinking seemed too big of a task. But the addiction is the reason for thinking this way in the first place...it is self perpetuating. Appreciating how much of an addiction nicotine really is, can help you face the discomfort of quitting without falling into the trap of believing it is your personality that has to be fixed (then quitting will be easy). The addiction is a medical problem, the brain has been affected by nicotine.  We all have problems (and strengths) in our character, but addiction undercuts self determination in a very persistent way and makes it seem as if hating to quit is a mental health problem...an attitude problem. Focus on building up your confidence that you can quit-- for this will also help you turn away from smoking, walk through the unpleasant feelings of not having nicotine or the smokes--always "one day at a time." 

For most of us, deciding to quit is A GINORMOUS deal. Then quitting is an even bigger deal. But in the end, quitting is so doable. The addiction grows faint, and the feeling that you are cutting your soul out of yourself by not smoking fades away. You'll still be you, just no longer a smoker.

Below are a few links that might offer some more ideas/inspiration for your journey to quitting.

Marlboro Country is no place to settle in - YouTube 

Quitting Cigarettes Journal 

So glad you are here. Thanks for blogging and putting your "cards on  the table."  Getting stuff out into the open matters, so high five!

[TurboRose]

Thanks so much Maryfreecig especially for your comment "falling into the trap of believing it is your personality that has to be fixed."  It's exactly what I've done to myself which is the same thing my mom did to my dad, made it about character instead of addiction.  I really needed to have that misconception brought to light and I will use it when I need to remember it's not about my character.  I'll check out the links. 

[Sootie]

After reading your blog, I have to ask you to---PERHAPS----re-think the problem. You say you do not really want to quit smoking. But the thoughts expressed in your blog say something different.

So here's my thought.....you DO want to be a non smoker (EX-smoker) BUUUUUUUUUUT you don't want to go through the quit process. This is because you've bought into the myth that it is horrible, terrible and quite possibly cannot be done.

WRONG!

Look at all of the people on this site (and believe me-----thousands more have been here and gone).....we all quit. And we are no different from you. Quitting is difficult.....but no more difficult than many,many things we all have to do in our lives. Your problem is not that you want to keep smoking...but that you are either afraid to go through the quit or you have convinced yourself that you can't. You CAN. This is the absolute best place for support as you go through the process. Keep telling yourself that you can, can, can.   KEEP THAT JUNE 30th MIDNIGHT DATE!!!!! This is the one of the best decisions you will ever make.

Stay Strong.