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Living with a smoker

Question asked by Iamkfaz on Jun 3, 2017
Latest reply on Jun 6, 2017 by Mark

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Hello everyone. First i want to thank everyone for all their comments of support. I can't express my appreciation.

I have been going over my quit plan (quit date is Monday) and realized I need to address an issue that seems to be out of my control. My husband is a smoker. We have never smoked in the house but do smoke in the garage, the yard and also in the car. My husband knows i am quitting and is supportive of this. He has been very concerned about my health. But since he is not quitting there will be smoking items around the house and in the car and the general smell of smoking around me.

Does anyone have any advice or suggestions on how to handle this situation?

Thank you - Karyn

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17 Replies

constanceclum Jun 3, 2017 2:17 PM
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I am quitting (again) on Mon too. My husband smokes as well and is not interested in quitting but he does smoke outside and in the car. I believe I have to compromise about the car and leave the wondows slightly down. The thing is we have to be accountable to ourselves. My husbands smoking does not affect my health, mine does. At least they're not smoking in the house which would be a lot harder.
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- Iamkfaz @ constanceclum on Jun 3, 2017 2:46 PM
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  We can stop together!! Thank you
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gregp136 Jun 3, 2017 2:19 PM
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The fact you are aware of it is half the battle. My first long term quit was when I lived with a smoker. It just means that there is a shorter trip from giving into the nicotine lies and actually smoking. For me, I am 3 blocks from the gas station to buy cigarettes. I had 10 minutes between the decision and a smoke. You have one. Just do not allow your brain to entertain the lies of the nicotine bully! Okay, maybe it isn't easy, but it can be done. You can do this.
Greg
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- Iamkfaz @ gregp136 on Jun 3, 2017 2:47 PM
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  Thank you Greg. Nicotine is the monster!!!
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Youngatheart.7.4.12 Jun 3, 2017 3:23 PM
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If your husband is supportive, perhaps ask him to smoke outside instead of the garage while it's nice outside, and maybe not in the car? A good project to keep busy the first couple of days would be to get it cleaned up. A chunk of sliced apple under each seat will get rid of the smell inside, and you should clean the insides of all the windows, the ashtray, etc. If he MUST smoke in the car , ask him not to do it while you are in it! He should keep his cigarettes, ashtrays, and lighters out of your sight - at least in the beginning.
I have seen it happen fairly often when a partner quits and the other one can see it's doable, they quit soon after. Hope it's true in your case! Be sure to share all the good things about quitting that you notice!
Let us know as you have questions or need support.
Nancy
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- Iamkfaz @ Youngatheart.7.4.12 on Jun 3, 2017 3:32 PM
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  Thank you Nancy, I love the sliced apples in the car idea!
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JACKIE1-25-15 Jun 3, 2017 4:08 PM
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Here is a link to blog in reference to Exer's that live with smokers. The comments may help with how they handled it.
Shout out to all Exers who have partners that smoke.
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jimmie-a-littrell Jun 3, 2017 6:40 PM
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it is what it is. you can do it because you have so decided my friend! enjoy your new freedom and hopefully hubby will see the light! Keep us in the loop - we want to help!
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gardenancy8 Jun 3, 2017 6:45 PM
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I would have a hard time with that at the beginning! Hopefully he can make some sacrifices while you get through the first week or so! Like no smoking in car, and if needs to, have the smoke go out the window as much as he can. Ask him to just take a moment to see how it would be if he was in your shoes.
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Strudel Jun 3, 2017 8:14 PM
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Karyn - Congrats on deciding to quit! Early in my quit I was faced with living with 2 smokers (my sister and her husband. ) I decided that my quote was mine - and no one was going to interfere with that. In Alan Carr's book (The Easy Way to Quit Smoking) he suggests feeling sorry for smokers - they don't "get to smoke" - they "have to smoke". That helped me!
There is a great "Letter to a Loved One" posted every once in a while - check it out and consider editing it to fit your situation and sharing it with your husband. https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/SkyGirl-blog/2016/09/10/letter-to-my-loved-ones-repost

Please stay close - you can do this!
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elvan Jun 3, 2017 8:30 PM
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Iamkfaz I would ask your husband not to smoke in the car when you are in it...second hand smoke is very damaging. He can stop the car and get out and take a break or he can smoke in the parking lot of the grocery store or wherever...he does not have to smoke in the car. I stopped smoking in the car and never smoked in the house. I did get rid of all of the smoking stuff but no one in my house smokes so it was all mine. My son drove me to an appointment really early in my quit and he smokes, he asked if I minded if he smoked in the car and I told him I was sorry but YES, I do mind, my poor lungs are a mess and I realize I did that to myself but I did not quit smoking to inhale someone else's smoke, it's hardly fair. I hope your husband will follow your example when he sees how much better you feel and how well you are doing, Karyn.

You are doing a STELLAR job.
Ellen
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freeneasy Jun 3, 2017 9:43 PM
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I agree that you should ask him to smoke outside and not in the garage. Of course, he should not smoke in the car with you in it. Congrats on your decision to quit. Never question that decision because it's one of the best choices you could make. Just wait, when you quit for a while your sense of smell will return and it will seem so stinky in the car that it will help reinforce your quit! Learn How to Quit Smoking (and Make it Stick)
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Kcbob137 Jun 5, 2017 1:20 AM
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Wow my quit day is Monday and my daughter smokes out side Here's the kicker the temptation to smoke comes from within outside it's everywhere tv movies gas station magazine inside our heads its a ***** to quit Make the vow to Yourself it sucks at first but will get easier as times rolls on REMEMBER WHY THE HELL YOUR QUTING
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Mandolinrain Jun 5, 2017 6:07 AM
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Just another little tip to add to all the terrific advice before me.....try a tiny bit of Vicks Vapor rub just under your nose when you need to be around his smoking for prolonged times or when your having a bad crave..It really chased craves away quickly for me. Maybe it will help you as well. Good luck to you, your gonna do great!
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Kellybeth Jun 6, 2017 10:54 AM
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I have done it and you can too. I have been smoke free for 106 days. My Husband is a smoker. I do think it would have been easier for me if he didn't smoke but that just wasn't the case. He smokes in the laundry room that is attached to the kitchen so he might as well be smoking in the house. He isn't ready to quit and I was. You can do it. Take it on day at a time, one minute at a time. Before you know it you will be a non smoker!!
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elvan Jun 6, 2017 11:53 AM
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I see the suggestion for the Vicks under the nose, I did that when I had to be around smokers and it helped, so did sucking on cough drops now and then. You are doing this and we are all cheering you on!
Ellen
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Mark Jun 6, 2017 11:53 AM
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Congrats on your quit and addressing potentially stressful situation. Second-hand smoke is a real thing so your spouse's smoking will affect you. Good thing you're removing the nicotine!

The two groups below aren't probably active yet since moving, but there might be helpful information in them for you or your spouse. I'm a non-smoker but feel from what I have learned here I could help someone quit (provided they had decided they wanted to).

Non-Smoking Supporters for people looking to help others quit. Perhaps your husband can get an account and learn how to support you even if he chooses not quit at this time.
Smoking Partners for people who are quitting but their partners are not.

Mark
EX Community Manager
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