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Regarding Shawn's blog "I just don't understand!!!"

Question asked by Daniela-3-11-2016 on Jun 2, 2017
Latest reply on Jun 5, 2017 by Mark

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I would like to know how come other comments are being "reviewed" but all the foul language one person brought in that blog was never censored?

In the space of several days that particular person managed to insult a big group of people who commented honestly, provided feed back all in good faith, just to be slapped with horrible, indecent language by someone who was not attacked in any way, form or shape.

Mark, I can see the discussion is now closed, and I certainly hope it will be reviewed by the EX committee and in the future there will be ways to prevent such individuals to express themselves if they do so using insulting, gross, unacceptable language. I have been here a little more than a year, but never before I've seen such aggressive, violent, demeaning individual "contributing". And sure hope, I will never again see it on this site.

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Marilyn.H.July.14.14. Jun 2, 2017 7:20 PM
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I've been here for close to three years and that was horrible and there was definitely no reason for it, Lord willing that'll never happen again. (((((Huge hug for you and everyone else that needs one like maybe ShawnP ♡)))))
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elvan Jun 2, 2017 8:08 PM
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I think this person was clearly out of control and really wanted to get people to feed into his or her anger. It was not a pretty sight, I am sure that Mark shut it down when he became aware of it. Big hugs and love to all of those who were subjected to this barrage of insults. I do think that the wagons were circled very effectively!
Ellen
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- Mark @ elvan on Jun 2, 2017 8:23 PM
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  I'm traveling and will address as soon as possible. As always we should be
  slow to judge. We're all one team here on EX no matter where we are in our
  journey. Rather than reacting to such posts, the report abuse button should
  be used. Retaliation is never permitted.
  
  We win together and we lose together.
  
  Mark
  From my phone
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  - elvan @ Mark on Jun 2, 2017 8:42 PM
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    Mark I kept reading and I was stunned at the anger and the language....I did not know where the report abuse button was and I just wanted to be sure you knew about it. Would the report abuse button have gone elsewhere?
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    - Mark @ elvan on Jun 3, 2017 10:41 AM
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      Morning everyone. I was traveling yesterday so I didn't get to attend to the blow-up that occurred after ShawnP. It's really unfortunate that things went as sideways as they did. I hoped that after Shawn's apology that maybe cathnolan1 would apologize as well and we could get back to what this site is really about. Quitting smoking.
      
      Not everyone will have the same opinion here. That's great. It honestly would be really boring if everyone did agree all the time. At the end of the day we need to respect each other despite how much we may disagree with others opinions. We must also not put people down for their differing views. People are struggling every day. Add in addiction to nicotine and trying to quit and that can further complicate a person's struggle. At the end of the day we don't really know what's going on in each other's lives. Someone could be at a juncture of staying quit or returning to smoking, we never want to push them towards smoking even it they may seem to be wanting a reason/excuse to return.
      
      A lot went on in the I just don't understand!!! that shouldn't happened. I have gone through the whole discussion and have moderated it impartially. Removing content that is not not permitted on this community. The posts are otherwise intact. You're welcome to mark something as abuse if you see something I missed. I'll review again.
      
      ShawnP was entitled to have posted the discussion she did and shouldn't have been attacked or put down for having done so. After the attack occurred the abusive posts should have been reported as abuse rather than the situation that occurred. Never fan flames!
      
      Some have reported that reporting abuse is not available. When on your phone in portrait mode the "Actions" buttons and thus "Report abuse" links don't appear but do appear when you switch the phone into landscape mode. This is due to limited real estate on the screen. Reporting abuse is always available and all posts will be reviewed by the EX Team.
      
      There is a lot of love and care and concern on this community. It's hard for a newcomer to realize that immediately when they see posts of tough love especially in cases of serial quitters. I had the fortunate opportunity to meet some of you over the last year and a half at EX Weekend events and know that your in-person personas are often softer than your online personas. It's easier to say things online when that we normally wouldn't say face-to-face. I'm always thinking to myself the following questions. Would I say this thing to a person's face? If the answer is no, I don't say it. I also ask myself, when helping someone who is struggling, is there things going on that I'm likely not aware of? Do I need to ask more questions before I give advice? Will my response, observed by a guest considering joining the site, encourage or discourage them from joining?
      
      To be clear. My response was general and directed at elvan I was responding to the situation that happened in the mentioned post. If i reply to someone's post but don't mention them then I'm usually speaking generally. If I'm on my phone sometimes I reply by email and there is no way to comment on the original post.
      
      Feedback time:
      
      For new people on the site they aren't aware of the concept of "Take the best and leave the rest". How do you think we can make that more apparent so situations can be avoided like what has occurred?
      
      Mark
      EX Community Manager
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      - Giulia @ Mark on Jun 3, 2017 12:47 PM
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        It's hard for a newcomer to realize that immediately when they see posts of tough love especially in cases of serial quitters.... It's easier to say things online when that we normally wouldn't say face-to-face. I'm always thinking to myself the following questions. Would I say this thing to a person's face? If the answer is no, I don't say it. I also ask myself, when helping someone who is struggling, is there things going on that I'm likely not aware of? Do I need to ask more questions before I give advice? Will my response, observed by a guest considering joining the site, encourage or discourage them from joining?
        
        Excellent points, Mark.
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        Mark @ Giulia on Jun 3, 2017 12:49 PM
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        Mark
        EX Community Manager
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      - jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 @ Mark on Jun 3, 2017 2:26 PM
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        It appears when you moderate someone's response, it changes the date the person wrote it to the date you moderated it. Odd.
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        Mark @ jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 on Jun 3, 2017 2:30 PM
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        This is probably because there is no separate visible last edited and by who date.
        
        Mark
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  - Daniela-3-11-2016 @ Mark on Jun 2, 2017 10:19 PM
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    Mark, the only reason I brought it up was that I was catching up on the latest comments and I was appalled by the level of verbal abuse. By the time I was reading it today it was locked, and I had no other choice but write about it, hoping for your intervention. Please do not interpret this as retaliation, because it is not the case. Maybe once you have a chance to review, you will change your mind about who was judging and who was trying to help. There a whole list of people and that should help you make the determination. Thank you!
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Marilyn.H.July.14.14. Jun 2, 2017 8:44 PM
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I was too stunned to even think about tapping on the abuse button!
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- elvan @ Marilyn.H.July.14.14. on Jun 2, 2017 9:08 PM
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  Marilyn.H.July.14.14. I certainly do not think that retaliation was evident from anyone and I also do not think that we were reacting or judging this person, on the contrary, I think it went on WAY too long.
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freeneasy Jun 2, 2017 11:15 PM
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I'm on this site nearly every day and I guess I may be the only "regular" here who didn't comment on Shawn's blog. At 1st it was because I guess, I didn't think I could agree with the premise enough to make a meaningful comment and later I think that I really didn't want to participate in the "ruckus" Occasionally, it seems that an issue comes up and things get ugly. I don't really mind that some comments went "uncensored." I'm not saying that I agree with those comments or the opinion of the person whose comments contained the offensive and offending language. We all have a choice to participate or not in discussions here.
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Giulia Jun 2, 2017 11:27 PM
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Really? We're all stunned and appalled by a little foul language and obnoxious comments? In THIS day and age? I don't get it. There are so many incredibly foul, hateful attitudes and things happening in our world today and especially in our own USA country in hate-filled responses to EVERYTHING, it seems - this little bit of a little bit of whatever it was (certainly not worth wasting any amount of emotional time on in my opinion) ... Are we children here? Well, I guess so, if we have a sandbox we need to play in. (No offence whatsoever meant to you greg who began that whole "playground" concept which is truly beautiful. Truly. But it just seemed an apt analogy at this moment.)

But I just don't get it. Really. Why do you feed the fire of someone who obviously has an expletive for every response they get no matter what? Why go there? There is no "winning" with that kind of persona. I'm of the belief that if you just ignore it - it will go away. It will burn itself out. I just don't get it. I'm with Mark on this one "rather than reacting to such posts.." Why bother to pay attention to something that really isn't worth our attention and emotional feeding? It only takes about 2 of their responses to figure that out.

We feed it by responding to it. It dies if we don't. In the "old days" we took care of this kind of "upset" within the community ourselves. Now we seem to need someone else to do it for us? The way you close down the blog/discussion is to simply shut up. Sorry - but I really don't get it.

Daniela, this does not address your blog: "I would like to know how come other comments are being "reviewed" but all the foul language one person brought in that blog was never censored?" This is a totally separate issue. I think you're referring to the spam moderation that's computer generated on Jive. That's just the jerky robot who doesn't "get it" yet. As far as "foul language" - that one's totally up to Mark, I think. And unless he's been made aware of it (by flagging a post Actions/Report Abuse) - how will he know? Sometimes some of our expletives are quite appropriate when we're shouting them against the Nicodemon or our own selves in our struggles and stupidity. They are not appropriate, however, when it comes to slamming another member on here. I can see why a computer generated censor wouldn't necessarily "get" that difference.

And all this is simply MOO. So take what y'all like and leave the rest.

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- Marilyn.H.July.14.14. @ Giulia on Jun 3, 2017 9:05 AM
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  Giulia, I was stunned and appalled at the profanity and the ignorance of this person for no reason whatsoever ever that he or she flew off the handle and believe me when I say that that I live in THIS Day and Age and see and here this kind of stuff Way Too Often but it's the first time that I've seen anything quite this fowl on this site and it floored me and it never even crossed my mind to hit the abuse button!
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freeneasy Jun 2, 2017 11:40 PM
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I think that's what I tried to say. Why fan the flames and throw another log on the fire? Of course, anyone can participate or not. We all have a choice.Take what you need give what you want
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- jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 @ freeneasy on Jun 3, 2017 8:35 AM
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  "Why fan the flames and throw another log on the fire?"
  This started on JUNE 1 was allowed to go on for two days.
  A terrorist does not want understanding and thus, I will never hug a terrorist.
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  - gregp136 @ jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 on Jun 3, 2017 8:38 AM
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    Can we ever truly know what a terrorist wants....or NEEDS.
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    - jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 @ gregp136 on Jun 3, 2017 8:43 AM
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      HAHAHAHAHA
      You're new here. You have no idea what's gone on here in the past.
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      - gregp136 @ jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 on Jun 3, 2017 8:59 AM
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        Was speaking universally, and in no way saying what we should or shouldn't do. More a statement of our human condition.
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        jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 @ gregp136 on Jun 3, 2017 10:03 AM
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        Yes we should let terrorists or abusive people do their damage before we say anything.
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gregp136 Jun 3, 2017 8:32 AM
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I would agree we need to move very slow before we move to censorship. I also know that I help fan the flames by posting, so I will take the responsibility due me. But as Giulia said (and yes, I understand your playground reference) we are all adults here.
Greg
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- jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 @ gregp136 on Jun 3, 2017 8:46 AM
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  that person was not acting like an adult.
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Youngatheart.7.4.12 Jun 3, 2017 10:09 AM
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Speaking as someone who has also been the victim of such an attack, I don't believe an apology is required. There is NO excuse for that kind of language, and no one here should have to put up with it. Believe me - it hurts to be so attacked by someone who doesn't know you and thus misunderstands your intent.
Nancy
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- Jennifer-Quit-05-01-14 @ Youngatheart.7.4.12 on Jun 3, 2017 10:36 AM
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  This person's style of writing and choice of words strongly resembled the person who verbally attacked you Nancy shortly before the VB trip. I do not believe the derogatory comments made on Shawn's discussion were made by someone who quit smoking 8 years ago - but I suppose that is something that we will never know for sure.
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  - Mark @ Jennifer-Quit-05-01-14 on Jun 3, 2017 10:45 AM
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    @all
    
    They are not the same person. It was created in January 2013 and they hadn't participated until recently when they logged into their old account and came to the community the first time ever. They hadn't participated on the community prior to the move so they didn't have an account. Accounts without activity prior to the move to Jive were not moved over.
    
    Please don't make assumptions. If you suspect someone has duplicate accounts. Report it so we can investigate.
    
    Mark
    EX Community Manager
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    - Jennifer-Quit-05-01-14 @ Mark on Jun 3, 2017 11:13 AM
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      I didn't really say that I believe they are the same person - just have similar styles......
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gardenancy8 Jun 3, 2017 10:28 AM
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I didn't even think of clicking on the abuse button either!
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freeneasy Jun 3, 2017 11:23 AM
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If an offensive person on the internet is a troll then an internet troll and a genuine terrorist are both cowards. A terrorist is a coward who has a goal to physically hurt and kill people without fear of immediate retribution and then claims "credit" for the crime afterward and claims to have a worthy "cause". A troll is a coward who insults people with words and whose only goal would seem to be to victimize someone by hurting feelings and maybe cause a "ruckus". The victim of a terrorist doesn't have a choice but the victim of a troll does by either ignoring or responding. Maybe one way of looking at it could be refusing to respond would be refusing to be a victim.
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- jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 @ freeneasy on Jun 3, 2017 11:50 AM
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  In my opinion, attacking people online is the equivalent of being a terrorist in 3D.
  Who was the only person attacking people with vile language?
  Maybe another way of controlling it would be to not let it continue.
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- Mark @ freeneasy on Jun 3, 2017 12:47 PM
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  freeneasy
  Exactly!!
  The common phrase is "don't feed a troll". It's best not to get involved and just tap the abuse button and let me take care of it.
  
  Mark
  EX Community Manager
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jimmie-a-littrell Jun 3, 2017 6:43 PM
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aw heck, missed it!
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- Daniela-3-11-2016 @ jimmie-a-littrell on Jun 3, 2017 7:36 PM
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  jimmie-a-littrell, Shawn's blog is still there, and based on Mark's editing, you can pretty much follow the interactions. It went way too long in my opinion.
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  - ShawnP @ Daniela-3-11-2016 on Jun 3, 2017 8:46 PM
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    I tried to stop it but, she kept going on and on. I didn't even realize it, I was at work.
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    - freeneasy @ ShawnP on Jun 3, 2017 8:59 PM
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      Shawn, I have a feeling that the harder you would have tried the nastier it would have gotten.
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      - ShawnP @ freeneasy on Jun 3, 2017 9:19 PM
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        I know and believe me, i was tempted to reply but, chose in end to remain quiet. It was apparent then, it wasn't going to stop.
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        Marilyn.H.July.14.14. @ ShawnP on Jun 4, 2017 1:09 AM
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        Here's another cyber hug for you ShawnP .♡
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    - Daniela-3-11-2016 @ ShawnP on Jun 4, 2017 1:09 AM
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      We all know ShawnP, "it" was relentless.
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  - jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 @ Daniela-3-11-2016 on Jun 4, 2017 6:36 AM
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    Well since there is no chronological order on this platform and people can respond to other people's responses anyplace within a post days after a blog was started, the date the person that authored the response no longer is a point of reference once it's been moderated and trying to piece together who said what when IS INACCURATE OR IMPOSSIBLE.
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    - Mark @ jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 on Jun 4, 2017 10:19 AM
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      jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007
      
      There is chronological order. It's called Flat and can be found in user preferences.
      
      The discussion is intact. Only The prohibited things were removed. You can guess what was said on many of the posts.
      
      Mark
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Giulia Jun 3, 2017 9:12 PM
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In my opinion only here - you stop it by simply saying "I'm sorry you feel that way, didn't mean to offend you. This is my truth and I just need to express it and good luck to you." (Nancy, I know you wouldn't agree with that because if the person is just a jerk why should we apologize, and I get that.) But Shawn did that - apologize for no reason, except to try to keep peace. And of course we all want to jump in (like I did - so I'm guilty of doing what I said one shouldn't do under the circumstances - fan the flames), to offer support to the one who is being maligned.

And we're all hot heads emotionally because we give a HUGE damn and care a lot in this quitting business. But by responding - we can't help but add fuel to the fire. If you simply ignore the ember, it can't grow. Sure offer an opinion, but then just leave it alone. Ignore whatever response comes back at you.

But then again, we're all hot heads in this care quitting business! And I get that. I used to not respond to any rucki. None. Just never said a word. Now I do. I think I may need to go back to my old ways. Because really, NOTHING we say will make any ultimate difference to the TROLL. But then again, we do learn through each trolling experience. And actually I don't like that term. I don't know why that person came on here and went ballistic. Now. After having joined this site so many years ago. But I can say I've learned from it. And that's not a bad thing. Tromp Tromp Tromp.....
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Mandolinrain Jun 4, 2017 7:14 AM
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Simplest solution was Marks, I think. Report it....don't feed the monster. Don't acknowledge it or respond. Let it go and move on. I think we can all tell for the most part, those of us who have a few years of freedom under our belt and on tis site, who is genuine and who is just being a trouble maker. I say Marks solution gives no power to the trouble maker...and POOF they are gone.
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crazymama_Lori Jun 4, 2017 8:17 AM
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give it a rest
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MePlus3 Jun 4, 2017 3:06 PM
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I tried to report it but the only option I had under actions was "give a badge"
I apologize for telling that person to "go away" that was the only thing I could think of that was wrong on my end. I said that after I had seen everyone responding with as much help and care as possible and that person still wanted ruckus. I wanted to say more but chose not to because I didnt want to add fuel to the fire anymore than there had already been. Yes, quitting is hard and as a serial quitter myself I understood exactly where shawn was coming from. I cant thank these lovely people enough for tolerating my rollercoaster!
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- elvan @ MePlus3 on Jun 4, 2017 3:10 PM
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  MePlus3 I found that same option but that is because I accessed it from my inbox, if you go to the ORIGINAL blog page...the report abuse option is there. I still don't understand how that would have altered what happened. I don't think you or Daniela or Marilyn or Shawn or ANYONE else owe an apology to someone who was clearly in attack mode. Anything that was said fed it, it's over, let's bury it.
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  - MePlus3 @ elvan on Jun 4, 2017 5:43 PM
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    I was on thw original blog I even tried it from my tablet I see where mark mentioned it popping up in landscape mode hopefully there never be a next time but i'll try that.
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  - Mark @ elvan on Jun 5, 2017 11:12 AM
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    elvan wrote:
    
    MePlus3 I found that same option but that is because I accessed it from my inbox, if you go to the ORIGINAL blog page...the report abuse option is there. I still don't understand how that would have altered what happened. I don't think you or Daniela or Marilyn or Shawn or ANYONE else owe an apology to someone who was clearly in attack mode. Anything that was said fed it, it's over, let's bury it.
    elvan
    
    Yes it only happens when on the original blog and you're logged in. In Inbox the options are limited.
    
    @all
    
    It wasn't right what cathnolan said about ShawnP's advice. They didn't have to agree but the phrasing wasn't nice.
    
    Cathnolan actually did the right thing by using report abuse. I was reviewing and deciding what would be done amongst the other things I'm busy with. Then they might have gotten impatient thinking I wasn't doing anything and the situation escalated. I don't believe they're a bad person, just got frustrated and felt like an outsider.
    
    I do see how cathnolan felt ganged up on. Their reaction wasn't justified but I can see how they felt that way.
    
    Some have said that it went on longer than it should have. I agree it did. A flame only burns if all the needed elements for a fire exist. If essential elements are removed then the flame goes out. When people band together on a community instead of using the report abuse button bad things happen and things escalate unnecessarily. Visitors and new people see those reactions and draw conclusions about how easy it is to become a new member of the community. Some might draw the wrong conclusion and think it is difficult to be new. We don't want anyone to feel that way. When in doubt, use the report abuse button. I know in the past you were left to protect yourselves but that didn't always go so well. I'm here to protect the community now.
    
    It was great to see Shawnp's apology. I had hoped that it would help turn the tables and move forward in a positive direction and put the past in the past. Unfortunately that didn't happen but her apology remains to show what kind of person she is and what kind of support is offered here on this community. The apology served a couple positive purposes.
    
    Mark
    EX Community Manager
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KMC56 Jun 4, 2017 7:27 PM
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LET IT GO...LET IT GO!!!
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- elvan @ KMC56 on Jun 4, 2017 7:48 PM
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  KMC56 are you SINGING?
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  - KMC56 @ elvan on Jun 4, 2017 9:13 PM
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    But ofcourse....everybody pop in Frozen and sing LET IT go..., or Beatles, Let it be...my favorite jai guru deva om....Peace ya'll!✌
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Regarding Shawn's blog "I just don't understand!!!"

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