Living with a smoker

[Wildrayven]

I must quit smoking, my breathing is terrible, but my partner is not quitting, so I will be in a smoking environment. 

Any suggestions on how to cope? Thank you

[YoungAtHeart]

Welcome to our community!

To begin, I would ask your partner to honor your quit by only smoking outside, out of your sight.  I would also ask that they keep their smokes and lighter(s) and astray(s) out of your sight, as well.  If you have smoked inside, I would start by washing the walls, curtains and linens that are stinky (and you will notice HOW stinky when you quit). 

The most important thing you can do right now is to educate yourself on what nicotine does to your body and mind. To that end, I highly recommend Allen Carr's “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking.” This is an easy and entertaining read. Here is a link to a free PDF version of it:

http://media.wix.com/ugd/74fa87_2010cc5496521431188f905b7234a829.pdf

 You should also read the posts here and perhaps go the the pages of folks who you think might be helpful. You might visit whyquit.com, quitsmokingonline.com and livewell.com for the good information contained there. @tps://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/best-of-ex has lots of blogs written by members of this site with their experiences and guidance. You should also do the tracking and separation exercises suggested in My Quit Plan http://www.becomeanex.org/my-quit-plan.php

After you have completed the recommended reading, it will be time to make an informed choice of the quit aid, if any, you will use. If you go that route, I personally recommend the aids that don't let the addict control the dose such as the available prescription drugs or the patch. If used properly, gum, lozenges and inhalers are fine, but they need to be used only as a last resort.  I have seen folks become addicted to them if they substitute them for every cigarette they used to smoke - just trading one addiction for another.  I do not recommend the e-cigarette for three reasons: 1) the vapor has been compared to the polluted air in Bejing on a bad day, 2) they just provide another nicotine delivery system while continuing the hand to mouth smoking motion, and 3) the batteries can spontaneously catch on fire. . But – any method that you think will work well for you will be best for you.

The idea is to change up your routines so the smoking associations are reduced.  Drink your coffee with your OTHER hand. If you always had that first smoke with your coffee, try putting your tennies on right out of bed, going for a quick walk, then taking your shower and THEN your coffee! Rearrange the furniture in the areas you used to smoke so the view is different. Buy your gas at a different station. Take a different route to work. Take a quick walk at break time where the smokers AREN'T.

You need to distract yourself through any craves.  You can take a bite out of a lemon (yup - rind and all), put your head in the freezer and take a deep breath of cold air, do a few jumping jacks, go for a brisk walk or march in place, play a computer game.  Don't let that smoking thought rattle around in your brain unchallenged. Sometimes you need to quit a minute or an hour at a time.  You will need to be disciplined in the early days to distract yourself when a crave hits.    Get busy!  Here is a link to a list of things to do instead of smoke if you need some fresh ideas:

/blogs/Youngatheart.7.4.12-blog/2013/02/25/100-things-to-do-instead-of-smoke 

The conversation in your head in response to the "I want a cigarette" thought needs to be, "Well, since I have decided not to do that anymore, what shall I do instead for the three minutes this crave will last?"  Then DO it.  You will need to put some effort into this in the early days, but it gets easier and easier to do.

Stay close to us here and ask questions when you have them and for support when you need it. We will be with you every step of the way!

Nancy

[bonniebee]

I live with a smoker who refuses to smoke outside or even in one specific place in the house .I smoked for 52 years and tried numerous times to quit and one of my excuses for failing each time was to blame it on the fact that I was living with a smoker . Of coarse it may make it harder But this quit I decided  that I was going to quit no matter what and I made the commitment to NOPE = Not one puff ever  and SINAO =Smoking is Not an Option !

I truly believe God lead me to this site for the support I would need and continue to need 2 + years later !  I found that the temptations and craves to smoke were within me and it made no difference seeing her smoking or even smelling it in fact I am so used to smoke that I really don't even smell it !

 You could ask you room mate to smoke less around you maybe He/she is more co-operative then mine is . In the beginning I had a few times when arguing with her that I was tempted to lite up and she would not give me a cigarette ! You could ask her/him to refuse you if that day should come . I was glad she cared enough about my quitting to do that for me .It was just a Momentary Lapse of Reason !

 Therefore my advice is to Pray ,come to this site everyday and in the beginning as many times of day as necessary, do the reading educate yourself about nicotine and smoking addiction . Make a plan and set a quit date now ....you can always change it if you find you are not quite ready but setting the date now gives you a goal while you prepare for the big day and Do not fear it ! You will not be giving up anything you will be gaining back your freedom ! Remember when you were a child and you did not need anything to function  ? You could relax without that  building tension inside caused by the drop in the nicotine level, well I have that back and you can too ! There are so many good people here to help you and to cheer you on Please stick around If I could do it after so many years I know you can too !  It does not take will power it takes commitment and discipline  and maybe an NRT (nicotine replacement )  I used the patch and it really took the edge off of the withdrawal symptoms for me . Many ppl on this site have done it cold turkey as well .

Others will be along with more good advice and links for you to go too (I am not that computer savvy !

  One more thing,My breathing was awful ! My lungs wheezed especially when I was lying down and trying to go to sleep I was so uncomfortable every night I would take at least 20 minutes of trying to clear my lungs and throat to get to sleep ! I used to like to read a bit in bed before going to sleep I had to give that up years ago because of the coughing it would cause even though I was propped up with pillows !!!! I have gained so much from quitting possibly even added more years to my life ! I know I feel much healthier ! I had improvement in my breathing in just a few days !

[Kellybeth]

I am newly quit and I live with a smoker. There is no doubt that it makes it harder but it is possible. There are still cigarettes in my house. He still smokes in front of me. But you can do it. It is hard and I think it it harder if you live with a smoker. You need to do whats best for you and your health. Plus it sounds like you are ready to quit. I was ready too!! You can do it.

[elvan]

Wildrayven   Welcome to EX, YoungAtHeart‌ and bonniebee‌ gave you some great advice.  I HOPE your partner will agree to respect your quit and try to support it by smoking outside and doing all of the things that Nancy suggested.  I did not smoke in my house so that was not an issue but I did have favorite spots outside that I was afraid of for a while.  I had to quit too, I had pneumonia and I have COPD and there was no longer a choice for me.  If I lit up, it would be with the full knowledge that it was suicide...slow but sure...suicide. Having COPD is horrible, it's progressive but you can SLOW the progression by stopping smoking and exercising and eating right.  Do the reading and preparation for your quit.  Figure out what your triggers are and plan for what you will do instead of smoking when they occur and remember they WILL occur.   This is a journey, quitting is not an event, it is one day at a time, one step at a time...sometimes a day is too long and you have to make it a MINUTE at a time and when a step is too hard, make it a baby step.  Remember that we are here to help and we want very much for you to be a successful member of this community.  We will share with you any and every thing that helped US along the way.  I used the acronym N.O.P.E. constantly those first few days and weeks...Not One Puff Ever.  It was so simple but effective. I also made it a point when I had an uncomfortable crave to ask myself just what smoking a cigarette would DO for me at that time.  Would it relieve pain?  Would it make me less anxious?  Would it take away anger?  You get the idea...I promised myself that I would ask that question whenever I had a crave and I promised myself that I would answer honestly.  I was never able to HONESTLY answer yes to any question I asked.

Best,

Ellen

[Thomas3.20.2010]

When you say that your breathing is terrible - all kinds of warning lights go off in my mind. Have you been diagnosed with COPD? If not, have you asked for and had a Spirometry Test? If not GET ONE ASAP! As Ellen pointed out COPD is a progressive, incurable smoking related illness that can be treated only if you know you have it. Smoking and Second Hand Smoke are strictly prohibited - it comes down to a choice of how long do you want to live and with what quality of Life? If you don't have COPD then yes, you can quit although it's extra challenging to quit with a smoker in the house but if you do have COPD then That's all beside the point - every single time you are exposed to any smoke (even BBQs and Fireplaces) your damage is that much worse. You need to know and you need to stop killing yourself slooooowly!

[CommunityAdmin]

Glad you have several replies!

There may also be some informative posts in Smoking Partners‌ and Non-Smoking Supporters‌ which may help you to navigate your quit to help you and also possibly for them to understand what you're going through even if they don't quit. They're groups that have been around awhile and don't have recent activity but hopefully there will be some activity in the future as more people join the site.

Mark
EX Community Manager

[JACKIE1-25-15]

/blogs/JACKIE1-25-15-blog/2016/04/14/shout-out-to-all-exers-who-have-partners-that-smoke   Here is a blog that was written awhile back.   Some of the comments may be helpful.

[LAM-Burch]

I have been living in this environment for over 5 years.  My mother is a militant smoker: she won't even accept what the doctors and scientists have proven and are saying.  It is difficult, but it is important to have a face-to-face.  Ask your partner to be supportive even if he/she isn't ready or willing to quit.  Mark out areas of your home that will be kept smoke-free, but be sensitive and allow them to have their designated space as well.  Hopefully, they will be supportive and keep the ashtrays and packs out of sight for you.

It sounds hard to swallow now, perhaps, but after a time those ashtrays will no longer bring on longings or urges but will have the opposite effect.  Best of luck.

[ShawnP]

I quit with a few in the house smoking. It's not always easy but it is doable. I am 5 years smoke free now and they still smoke around me but, i don't want one anymore. Commit and educate yourself to this quit and you will be just fine. It is much more enjoyable to be free from this addiction. After you quit, you will realize, i can breathe better, smell, taste, all of your senses awaken. Its a beautiful journey, try to keep positive through it all. /blogs/ShawnP-blog/2017/01/28/welcome-to-our-community