nicool

Day 2

Discussion created by nicool on Apr 23, 2013
Latest reply on Apr 24, 2013 by Thomas3.20.2010

I am the anxious type. I can't stand to be late for things and so I will show up for them 20 minutes early and wait in my car, too embarrassed to show how freakishly obsessed I am with punctuality. What's really interesting about that is that it's not my anxiety that drives me to smoke, quite the opposite. I see smoking as a luxurious sort of activity so when I am waiting to go somewhere I think that I don't have time for a cigarette. When I smoke by myself I feel too anxious about the time I am wasting just sitting outside with a cigarette in my hand so I can't finish it. The only way that I can get myself to sit still long enough to smoke a whole cigarette is if I have company, booze, a good book or some combination of these. Company and booze are the worst combonation of all and there are specific people who make it more tempting than others. For example, after my classmates discovered I smoked (I didn't smoke all day at school for a long time so none of them knew) they asked me to come join them. I did and then after I decided to quit, I would still join them sometimes but just decided not to smoke, but just make it a social occasion. It actually wasn't hard. I have one sister in particular however whose smoking magnitism is irresistible to me. I am going to my mom's house this weekend for a family dinner where there will be booze and lots of smokers including my magneto sister. It's going to be really hard, but not impossible to resist.  

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