I was laying in bed. After I smoked my (turns out) last cigarette. I was trying to draw in oxgen and couldn't. Started forcefully coughing, trying to get up the blockage. I needed to be able to draw in breath in order to take my rescue inhaler.
A lot of good an inhaler is if you can't draw in oxgen. Choking, Coughing, finally barely I had some room to take a puff. One puff, two puffs still couldn't breath.
Years of prednisone, inhalers. Steriods packed in like candy. And it took this night. Knowing I almost died and no one knew it. Just to be clear my addiction was so bad that after a breathing treatment it was not unlike me to have a smoke. This is the first time I said I need to just stop. Whatever it takes I need to stop.
I asked my mom years ago why she didn't smoke. She said because she is to ornery to let anything have that much power over her. She said I won't be a slave to anything and especially a stinky cigarette. Works out, ME EITHER MOM.