A change in reality can be planned for only by moving into the future; therefore, in the moment reality cannot be changed and it is simply what it is. You must learn to accept reality for what it is. Short of doing this is being delusional. When you completely and wholly accept the way something is without complaint, without protest, without emotional entanglement this is acceptance. Yes this is hard, very hard. Acceptance means you stop “living in a dream world” and learn to be with what actually IS rather than resisting; remember the quick sand! No amount of emotional display, wanting, wishing or regretting will make it any different than it is.
Do not interpret this as you should just settle; if you want it different, then you have to put the necessary work in to make it different. People often say, “I can’t stand this,” “This isn’t fair,” “This can’t be true,” or “It shouldn’t be this way.” It’s almost as if we think refusing to accept the truth will keep it from being true or that accepting means agreeing. Accepting doesn’t mean agreeing but it's exhausting to fight reality and it doesn’t work. Refusing to accept what is true doesn’t change the situation and it adds to the pain you might already be experiencing. Acceptance delivers you into reality the way it is and it will also leave you emotionally freer and with more energy to do what you have to do to improve it or live beyond it.
Life gives lots of opportunities to practice acceptance. When you have a problem that you can solve, then that is the first option. If you can’t solve it but can change your perception of it, then do that. If you can’t solve it or change your perception, then practice acceptance.
Acceptance means you can turn your resistant and ruminating thoughts into accepting thoughts like, “I’m in this situation. I don’t approve of it. I don’t think it’s OK, but it is what it is and I can’t change that it happened.”
Cravings happen, thoughts of wanting a cigarette happen! Don't fight them, accept them for what they are, nothing more than addictive thoughts! They are not truth and they are not demands! Accepting them does not mean you agree with them or need to act on them by giving in! Acknowledge the thought and then move forward by letting the thought go, responding with "I don't do that any more" or by getting busy with a distraction!
What about a relapse? Do you, Beat yourself up for failing? Ruminate about how you could let it happen? Feel guilty and ashamed that you were weak? The truth is your quit date changes and that is something you can't control along with any stories, judgements or feelings that might follow. What you can control is where you decide to direct your energy and attention. It is time to regroup, figure out what you might do differently, climb back in the saddle, start over and trust that you can be successful. Think of this phrase from the Serenity Prayer, "accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference".
SHORT VERSION: Do not expend time or energy on things you can not change! Focus on the moment and those things you can control!
