New Year’s Resolutions
I will assure my lawyer that I will never again show up drunk for any court hearings.
I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.
I will drink more because Benjamin Franklin said, beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
I will try to drive closer to the speed limit.
I will keep an extra safe distance when driving behind police cars.
I will never again take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
I will save money by not renewing my gym membership.
I will never again squat with my spurs on
I will not get divorced or remarry more than once this year.
I will not have my cell phone on speaker when on the crapper.