Today is rough, real rough, and I’m not sure why. I’ve done my new normal routine this morning, including catching up with posts on Ex while I have my coffee. I’m suffering thru an extreme craving, been going on most of the morning. I’m used to the mental cravings and have become pretty good at dealing with those. But this one is both mental and a true nic craving. I’ve checked my patch numerous times thinking it must not be on right or something, but it’s fine. For those of you who know Carr’s book The Easy Way to Quit Smoking, you’ll know what I mean by the big and little monsters. I considered the little one and determined it truly is crying a little. And I’ve been having a conversation with the big one most of the morning. I actually imagine it sitting on my shoulder egging me on, therefore the actual conversation. (sounds crazy I know, imagine how I look staring at my shoulder talking to it lol) It’s not really listening to me, and I keep imagining myself on my deck smoking … and it is enticing. I’ve tried all the Ds, and went thru my entire toolbox, still no help. So I thought I’d try a blog for today and see if that does it, maybe just get it out and I’ll be able to let go of it. It’s day 35 and I knew NML was coming/here, maybe that’s all this is? Whatever it is, it’s making it hard to stay positive about my quit. I would just take a nap and see if it would pass, but I’m at work. I’ve tried just concentrating on my work but that’s impossible at this point. I KNOW smoking is not an option for me. Well the truth is it IS a choice you have to make, to smoke or not to smoke. But the whole reason I started ‘this’ quit was my oral surgeon telling me I CANNOT smoke while the bone graft is healing. If I do, the graft will fail. So I tell myself that constantly and so far that’s the only reason I’ve made it this far. Each day has gotten a little easier and I was so optimistic … until this morning when I actually imagined standing on the deck smoking that wonderful cig (yes in my mind it would be wonderful today).
So far, this is not really helping. But I will post it anyway in hopes that someone can give me another tool to add to my toolbox that may help today. Thanks for listening.
PS - I have not smoked during this torturous morning!