xjamarkx

My future has hope

Blog Post created by xjamarkx on Aug 27, 2019

I thought I'd never come back here. Maybe I shouldn't have even come at this moment. But there are things I wanted to share.

I've quit smoking. Then started. Then quit again. Then started back. Then quit again. Me starting and quitting is like a bipolar rollercoaster that don't know if it wants to be happy or miserable.

But I cannot and won't quit quitting. It is possible to quit.

I need to go change my 'smoker status' if I can find how to do it again.

I won't be coming here often at this time though because I'm in the midst of taking a long vacation (I call it a social media detox) away from the internet because it became so overwhelming ... my brain was fried from thinking, my fingertips about falling off after typing my life story out to people just to get unfriended. I had met someone on a different website, then became FB friends. This person ended up, in just ONE month, causing me trouble, blaming me for them losing friends, and ceasing a friendship with me so they could cling to the one who caused the trouble to begin with.

 

I'm so tired of people. Not everyone, just … troublemakers, ya know?

 

And after typing out my whole life story for that person, a few days later, that person planned to end the friendship anyway.

 

Okay. Another subject I wanted to talk about is what I've learned since last time I was here.

 

I have had 2 spiritual awakenings since 2012. I've been seeing (and proving to others who doubt, saying I'm making it up when I'm not) synchronicity in my life, every day, about 25 times a day. Omens. Seeing a certain set of numbers every time I look at the clock, or on license plates. Synchronicity is everywhere. Some people talk about seeing 11:11 a lot. I see that, plus other numbers that have meaning to me. This synchronicity has me thinking I have a greater purpose in life, a life mission, but I'm not yet sure what it is exactly.

 

My mom ran out of money so I've been helping her out. I've been doing laundry. I can do more since my back surgery... however... I have bad news...

I have to have that same surgery on my neck. :-/  I do not look forward to it, except the fact that it will finally release that nerve that's pinched, and I won't be hurting as bad. I wake up in pain. Pain everywhere. Everyday.

I don't look forward to getting the results of the MRI.

 

Well I took you all's advice about the lemon thing when you're craving a cig. The only difference: I use lemon juice, not biting into a lemon... It's still bitter lemon but I've always liked sour stuff. Even though I like it, it still seems to .. I guess 'shock' my mouth is the right thing to say? Shock my taste buds … then my focus goes to taste instead of craving (cigs). That was still a great idea. I printed out a list that someone put on this site a while back, of things to do when you're craving a cig. 

I think I need to rest right now, be at ease, and even do a meditation. I've found tons of books on the subjects I'm interested in now. I'm actually reading "The POWER OF NOW" By Eckhart Tolle, and with the the synchronicity I discovered in this new awakening... I believe I'm on the right path. My spirit guide(s) are definitely guiding me and guarding me.

 

(Edited to add a few things to explain myself better, and to remove the stupid things. I get carried away at times and don't explain what I'm talking about. I hope this is better understandable. Thank you.)

Outcomes