I'm going to try to write out the craving until it passes.... though I have many cravings when I'm alone, when I'm busy I have very little craving.
I feel it under my ribcage, especially my left one, the burning and desire for that junk... I don't do this anymore. it's not me.
but I know
I know as soon as I light it up, i'll have to SUFFER THE WITHDRAWL PAINS ALL OVER AGAIN FROM THE BEGINNING....
lordy... I feel like Sisyphus...
Wikipedia says, "He was punished for his self-aggrandizing craftiness and deceitfulness by being forced to roll an immense boulder up a hill only for it to roll down when it nears the top, repeating this action for eternity."
This is my life... it's always been repetition. Stopping and starting, coming and going, starting and stopping, I never finish tasks...
My lungs can breathe better now than they have in a long long long time. I can take big deep breaths again.
Now maybe when I sing along with my music, it'll sound better! and I won't be out of breath!
When you get a craving while smoking, like I had yesterday, it's time to give them up... it's like the nicotine said "i'm not working in you" so I said, "fine! be that way!" and it said "I am!" and I said "well good for you! leave me alone!"
you gotta type and talk these things out. if there's no chance to type or talk:
My list:
write
read
study a book
give yourself homework: look things up and write an essay about what you read
(for myself) play cards or read tarot for self, research more on tarot to read cards better
chew gum
try to learn how to juggle 3 balls at once (I can only do 2 right now)
watch movies, play skyrim
check out youtube
write a grocery list
color pictures / draw / paint
meditate with my good ginseng tea and light music
snack of fruits and veggies in moderation
THERE'S NO REASON TO EVER PICK UP ANOTHER CIG EVER
MY DOG IS BUGGING ME, JUST STARING AT ME..
I gotta go. I'll write another one later if I need tooo.... ugg I hate getting interrupted.
