I'll Miss You Mom..

Blog Post created by tibbetsethan on Sep 27, 2020

So my Mom wasn't in my life very much because I was taken from her when I was 2 years old and placed with my Grandparents.. I went to visitation both supervised and unsupervised until I was 12 and then stayed with her 4 months when I was 17 and only talked to her four times after that, the last time being 6 years ago.


I was diagnosed with Huntington's Disease when I was 21 years old, which is hereditary. If a parent has it their child has a 50% chance of getting it. My mom never got tested, but her Father was the one who was first medically diagnosed and then some of my Aunts. After my test came back positive we just knew that she had it.


I tried talking to her about it, but she had been sick with something they "didn't know what it was" since she was 30 and had slowly lost her mind over especially the last few years. (She was 43 when she passed) and I had heard she was getting worse especially since I last saw her when I was 17 years old, but I couldn't get ahold of her whether it was her moving around and switching numbers constantly, her phone being broken, my drama with my illness, or something going on. I only talked to her 4 times between 17 years old and today and I found out from a message from my brother which who was deeply upset, which wasn't like him. 


My brother is a Marine so I figured something was really wrong and he told me that mom had passed from Huntington's today and I broke down distraught and had to literally walk away from my phone crying so hard. I wanted to scream and idk I didn't really know what to do except cry. My grandparents on my Dad's side who raised me cried with me and got me to calm down finally but I am just feeling really sad and depressed.


I feel like there was not enough time for us and that I should've been there and been able to talk to her and tell her I loved her one last time. I guess that's just something I will have to live with now and the finality of it just absolutely kills me honestly. I don't really know how else to react tonight, my heads really hazy.


All I know is somehow through this awful incident I have not smoked or vaped, I did use the nicotine gum but that's it.

The next few days is going to be the real test but I don't even want to smoke or vape honestly, I just want to hold my pillow and cry...

I hope everyone is having a better Sunday than I am.


-Praying for everyone out there who is losing someone or has lost someone to any sort of disease or cancer. 


-Ethan 4 DOF