I woke up again, it's 3am here. I am really tired so I am going back to bed soon. I was having pretty horrible withdrawals last night before I fell asleep, I guess that's because Day 2 the nicotine is still in your system pretty heavy. Right now, nicotine withdrawals aren't so bad, they seem to come and go. They'll be bad during the night but as soon as I wake up and start moving around they improve a bit. I have refused cigarettes twice now in 3 days, that's pretty impressive for me. Even though I was offered and then later went through a hellish night, all I thought about is that I want the withdrawal and pain to stop, not that I wanted a cigarette or a drag. It was really weird because you'd think that's what would have come to my mind first.
I don't want cigarettes or vapes anymore, not at all. I just want to not be sick anymore. I know I have a long road ahead of me, but I want to stay quit. I don't want to be sick by them anymore, or have to deal with bad breath, stinky clothes, not being able to take but a few steps and have to sit down, my head pound into a bad migraine every night because vaping releases so much nicotine it restricts all the blood vessels so much my BP gets out of control.
I find myself not wanting the caffeine or a drag or a cigarette at all, sometimes I get urges on the nicotine because of the withdrawals but I don't want the method of delivery. I have to work on impulse control and rewiring my brain to create new better habits. It's a work in progress, I didn't get like this in one day and I'm not going to be fixed in one day.
They say that it takes 21 days to break a habit, that's probably true, in that case I have 18 more days til I can fully kick this thing in the can, in the mean time I'm gonna keep healthy, keep away from cigs and vape, and try to find more positive stuff to bide my time.
Thank you as always for being such a loving and caring community. I know I'm going to make it now, I don't have the need or the want to start vaping or smoking ever again. i appreciate all of you and hope you are having a good sleep! I'm about to try again.
- Ethan 3.5 DOF