I am still struggling. I don’t like feeling fuzzy headed. I have been wanting to smoke to improve concentration. I refuse to do it. I know I don’t need nicotine. I remember a time when I functioned without nicotine and did not even think of smoking. Furthermore I don’t want to smoke. I don’t want to smother myself to improve concentration. It won’t improve concentration. After smoking the first one, I’ll be distracted by the urge to smoke the next one. I will also be angry because I’m wasting money on smokes. I will also feel guilty for letting everyone down. Most of all though. I don’t want to put those poisonous chemicals in my body. It does more than making it harder for me to breathe. It makes me tired. I need to sleep more. It makes me anxious. I makes me numb (the beginnings of neuropathy). It causes pain. I get paranoid thinking I have blood clots or am having a heart attack or stroke. I hate the way cigarette smoke smells. I hate cigarette butts. I hate the way my hands and clothes smell when I smoke. My teeth and gums are damaged by smoking.
I’m grateful to be here at this site. I keep putting off smoking. I keep reaching out. I know the feeling I’m feeling right now will go away.
i will return to work, finish paperwork, then journal. I think i will have another smoke free day because I’m working my recovery.
