I am scared for my recovery. I have been having cravings today. Sometimes I’ve told myself that I will give up and go buy some cigarettes. I also made a commitment to myself today not to smoke today no matter what. Instead I made a commitment to slow down, feel the cravings, feel my feelings, and do something with them. So far so good. Not smoking, nicotine recovery is simple. It is not easy. Earlier today I asked myself why I resisted doing what I’ve seen work for others. Why have I looked for ways not not have to do it? Why don’t I just do it? I am just doing it today but it concerns me that my thinking can be so distorted by my addiction—looking for the loophole, desperate to find a way not to deal with my addiction. There’s no guarantee I won’t do so again in the future. I do see progress though. I started smoking again because I had to stay up and do papers for graduate school. I realized I don’t have to go to graduate school right now. I need to avoid situations that put me in a position to relapse. Every time I put my career above my health my career and health suffer. I can’t function if my body is not healthy. Thanks.