I have 24 hours not smoking. My brain was screaming at me constantly yesterday telling me to smoke. Somehow I made it. It was the hardest day that I can remember. I am grieving smoking. It sounds insane but I miss the up and down rollercoaster of drug addiction. I cannot have the highs without also damaging my lungs, causing me to have trouble breathing. Also I have overdrawn my bank account buying nicotine. I don't know if I will have enough money to eat until I get paid on Thursday. On top off that, I made it to work late everyday last week so I could have my morning cigs. My paycheck will be short because I chose to smoke.
Actions I took yesterday that helped me: I took the daily pledge yesterday. I wore my patch. I stayed in the reality of my disease instead of the fantasy of my addiction, countering all the excuses for smoking. I prayed repeatedly asking God to help me--to keep me from smoking and to restore me to sanity. I did counting meditation to keep me in the moment and short-circuit destructive thoughts.
Right now I don't want to smoke. I am at work. I am applying recovery tools again today.
