I set my quit date for the previous weekend (Saturday, July 1st). I made through Saturday. Then I smoked on Sunday. I smoked my last cigarette today and threw out all my paraphernalia. Funny, July 4th is meant to celebrate freedom. That takes on a special meaning here for us Exers. We seek freedom from having to smoke and from the crazy impulse to return to smoking.
I have been struggling a lot the past few weeks--taking a lot of action but going nowhere. The primary emotions I have felt are panic, self-condemnation, confusion, and desperation. My most recent relapse has hurt my pride. I have had a hard time excepting it. I am not where I was before. Any time I pick up a cigarette, I go back to square one. I've just come to that realization today. Yesterday's recovery does not ensure recovery today. If I accept where I'm at, I can start to move forward.
My intention is to continue with not smoking tonight, with my first complete day smoke-free being tomorrow. I am going back on nicotine replacement. I don't like it, but I am willing to anything to not smoke. Along with the nicotine replacement, I will be on this site tomorrow.