I am on day 5 of not smoking. I haven't really been counting the days, just taking it one moment at a time. I am grateful for my resolve not to return to smoking. I am still fearful of relapse. I try not to psych myself out, giving my addiction more power than it deserves. I have reason to hope for the best. The days are getting longer. In a couple of weeks, I will no longer need to use the light therapy for my seasonal depression. Not being depressed makes it easier. I also have a higher-paying job so I can afford to go back to the gym. I still have not physically gone to the gym and paid my membership fees to join. I need to do that in the near future. I am not seeing people smoking in front of me everyday like I was at my last job, and I rarely smell smoke. I bought a nifty water bottle that contains a days worth of water, so that I can stay hydrated. No excuse for dehydration to be a trigger.
My goal is to do the things that combat my underlying problems (depression being the biggest one) while I am on the nicotine replacement, so that the transition to not using nicotine goes a lot smoother. I will be better prepared for it and not trying to adjust to it on the fly.
I do not have the illusion that I will some day be cured of my addiction to nicotine, but just for today, I never want to smoke again. I am grateful for this desire, and careful to guard my gift of recovery.
