I haven't been on here because my computer broke. I used that as an excuse not to check in. I decided to quit the nicotine replacement early and within four days I was smoking again.
Today is my quit day. I am back on the lozenges. This is the pattern I've followed since I began smoking again about two years ago.
I keep ignoring my addiction, not wanting to accept it or deal with it. I stay smoke free as long as I don't have to go through withdrawal or feel any nasty emotions.
I'm grateful to be smoke-free. It's been a process deciding to come back to the website. I'm embarrassed about relapsing. So I tried doing it ok my own for a few days. Also it has taken a few days for me to become willing to stop smoking.