Today marks day 30 for me. As many have said repeatedly on here, quitting isn’t an event – but a journey. That could not be more true. And what a journey it has been so far.
Days 21 & 22 were the absolute worst for me. Just brutal. All I wanted to know was when will this get better??? The elders on here kept telling me that although they didn’t know when the worst would be behind me, it WILL GET BETTER. I held on tight and trusted you guys. And you were right. It didn’t happen like when a headache suddenly stops hurting, or you wake up one morning from a cold with your cough gone. It’s much more subtle than that. It’s more gradual. However – and I can’t stress this enough for those who may be just behind me in your own journey – it does get better. It. Gets. Better.
I have finally begun to relax and let the cravings & urges almost flow through me. As Guila wrote in this great post, I have chosen how I want to experience this quit. Smoking had the advantage over me for the past 17 years. Whether I wanted to admit it or not, smoking was in control. It had the upper hand. And for the first few weeks of this quit, it was still in the driver’s seat. Not anymore. I am now in control of how I feel, and how I choose to react when the memories & cravings are triggered.
In my last post, I talked a lot about hope. Hope that the cravings would soon lessen. Hope that this was my “forever quit.” Hope for the future. With each passing day, that hope has turned into resolve. And that resolve has turned into confidence. I have come to peace with the fact that as Dale says, “I don’t do that anymore.” It’s part of my past; part of the “old me”. While I have no disillusions that there will be many more challenging days ahead of me, I can now look back at these past 30 days and feel a sense of accomplishment. That prepares me and propels me for the next step in this process.
Lastly, as a result of Dale’s “What to Expect in the First 4 months” – which I’ve read no less than 100 times by the way – I am ready & loaded for the next 100 days. I don’t know when those cravings or urges will come, but I’m prepared for them because of your guys. That doesn’t just give me “hope” anymore. That knowledge and awareness gives me confidence. And it’s that confidence that will eventually lead to my freedom.