Ah. I made it! I went through an entire weekend of shows, of work and social triggers that I succumbed to in the past, without touching a drop of nicotine!
I feel so grateful. How I feel at this side of 7 days, and all the clarity of mind.... It makes sense that there are times when I have to trust the process, wrap my fingers around my mantras and dig in. Not listening or looking at anything other than: "nope" "no matter what" "I don't do that anymore, so what will I do instead?". The ultimate golden rule-- don't put that shit in your mouth!
I can't believe how differently I've been seeing everything. Any internal trigger and reach for outside gratification-- anxiety, hunger, boredom, stress, nervousness, whatever it may be. I feel myself go to reach for "something to cope," which was often cigarettes, and freak... How do I cope without cigarettes? Did I learn this ever? How do people do this! And not just smoking weed, drinking alcohol, eating, or something else that is potentially a bad coping mechanism in place of nicotine.
I've had so much energy. As a baseline, but also in distracting myself from cravings. I finally bought a guitar and am learning to play. Something I've wanted to do for a year or more and hadn't gotten around to. It's been such a great way to engage my mind and my body, and with others. Anytime I have a craving, I just think through the latest chord I've learned, or turn up whatever's on the radio and try and listen to the strum patterns.
I am not letting my guard down. Not ever. This feels amazing. I feel like I'm waking up.
So grateful to have this community from which to draw.
