18 days till quit- New to the community

Blog Post created by rockngrohl on Jul 23, 2020

Hi everyone,


I actually joined a couple of months ago and set my quit for July 7th but I have now pushed the date back to the first week of August.  I have been smoking on and off since I was 13 (am 47 now).  I'm kicking myself because I quit 10 years ago and didn't have another cigarette until about 2 years ago.  I had a couple when I was visiting a friend out of town (no kids, no husband) because I wanted to feel like my old self- free and no responsibilities.  I was able to put it down for a few months, then visited the friend again and smoked again.  That time I didn't put it down.  I'm a working mom to 3 kids aged 9, 11 and 13 and have been having significant marriage issues, that have caused me to wonder if I should divorce.


The daily stress of work and family life seem to grind me down.  I suffer from depression and anxiety, though I do seem to be on a medication that does help quite a bit.  I've tried keeping the number of cigarettes down, but since Corona came to town, I'm up from 3-4 a day to 8-10 and I can see I'm spiraling out of control.  I can't seem to handle stress without it.  Every time the kids do their screen time, I'm outside lighting up.  I've even given them extra time so I can go out and have another.  I know I need to quit- smoking is a risk factor for serious complications with Covid, but everytime I steel myself another stressor comes along.  I am also a speech therapist in a school, so things are getting really bad because we don't know my school's reopening plan and my kids go to another district and they have announced that school is in person 5 days a week with precautions.


I don't know if this is a good time to quit, but there never seems to be a good time.  There's always something stressful that comes up.  This is the first time I've joined a support group like this so I hope that by connecting with others I can stay on the path to quitting.  I'm just so on the fence right now .