I buy incense to help with the quitting, I find myself burning more and more, and more, and even trying to (LOL) inhale it, I buy magnet play hand busy toy things, I want more, I buy lipstick, I want more and different kinds (i don’t even wear the stuff?), I get some face products, and more, and more, and my routines becomes more intense. I will become addicted to anything in place of my trusty smoking addiction. Did it not keep me sane? I wish I could still bead but I beaded and smoked so much I associate beading with smoking still, I’m on day 32 it’s too early.
Today I wanted to get out of the house and go on a short drive but was jonesing really bad so I brought a lit incense. Bad idea. It was so much like a cigarette, tapping it out the window, holding it between my fingers, what an idiot. I’m slipping backwards. My old habits are still here. They have not gone away. I need this quit to stick. I couldn’t control it. I couldn’t stop. Now I’m 32 days away from it and it wants me back. I’m 33 years old and I’m going to make it to day 33 by N.O.P.E. today.
Sometimes I say “You can do this.” Other times I say “You just, can’t, do this, I’m sorry.” Speaking of, I’m sorry I’m so much a bummer here everyone, all you beautiful beautiful intelligent, wise kind-hearted people. I have nothing to offer but my struggles.