Never Give Up

Blog Post created by redpepper on Dec 28, 2020

This sucks.


...just when you're feeling so strong and gleefully happy that you're not smoking...


Things I can do differently that I haven't tried yet:

1. Stop going to my father's house (he has cancer but it's not a "safe" place; stepmother is unkind and she smokes)

2. Create a daily schedule and adhere to it

3. Call the 1800 quit help lines, of which there are many, available 24/7

4. Try to find a local human being who I can add to my support system

5. Ask one of you long-smober folks if you're willing to share your phone number in case of emergency

6. Try harder (?) to stop being so mean and cruel to myself

7. Find a new hobby that is nourishing and creative

8. Attend a support group mtg online--regularly


I had 47 days. Blew it on 9 December. Just after leaving my father's house, 1.5 hour drive home. Admittedly, I was hurt and feeling sorry for myself. And I got the F--K ITS. 


Have set tomorrow as quit. Only have five cigarettes left. 


I am enraged. But trying to say to myself, over and over: "Today will be a good day. Be gentle." 


Must stop being so down on myself. 


I'm lost. And tired of crying wolf. Everyone (locally) has given up on me. Desperately trying to pull myself back up.


I feel guilty, even, for coming here and asking for help/confessing.