As another weekend rolls around and I approach day 20 of my quit the voice telling me to just go and have one shouts louder and louder. Im used to numbing myself off from all the stress of the week and of work by getting drunk and smoking a full pack in a few hours. It feels good at the time im numb to reality and just doing what i want not caring what anyone thinkgs. This is my time to do what i want ive worked hard all week.
But I know going down this road leads to regret and anxious feelings the next day. Although i may numb myself temporarily ill wake up feeling crappy, waste my Saturday being too hungover to do anything and have that disgusting taste in my mouth that comes from chain smoking when drunk.
As the weekdn rolls around again I have the urge to go back to my old ways, ro throw away my 20 days by just having a pack and a few beers. Maybe someday i can have those few beers and not instantly want to have a smoke but for now i cant, i need to respect this quit and the hard work ive already put in.
So Friday feeling come and be here and tell me to get drunk and light up. But today i choose not to listen to you, today i choose to listen to the voices of encouragement from people on here, from my partner who puts up with me and from the part of me that is sensible and knows the right path. One day at a time.....