EX Community

Idealist. Nature lover. My dog is my bf. Seen & been through some sad hard things but believe in looking for the reasons so we can feel empowered instead. I've always been the "good kid" and protector of others, and it took some hard life situations to show me that I'm important too. I started smoking as a rebellious "why can't I do something bad that feels good too?" and it became my secret vice. But it started taking my life away from me, and I kept making excuses for it. I used to run - a LOT- not bc I'm fast or for any kind of accolade- but bc of how GOOD it feels. To feel so alive- to feel so powerful in the moment- (I mostly like to run on trails in nature). And smoking began to take this away. My profile picture is a reminder for me. I took that last year when I first tried to quit- I was so excited about my new shoes- I had just left an unhealthy relationship and was going to return to being me. Those shoes ended up staying mostly in the closet. I chose smoking over the thing that ACTUALLY brings me real dopamine, real insight, real experience. No matter how much I thought at the time by allowing myself to smoke I was giving myself permission to not be perfect, I was really giving myself permission to waste my life. There is so much we cannot control in this life and world. But we can control how we treat our bodies. And it feels SO good to actually FEEL good!