I have made it to day 5.
Last night was rough. I felt extremely anxious after dinner. Paced around my house for a while, desperate to find something to distract myself. So I colored. My husband had bought me a swear word adult coloring book sometime ago. When he bought it, it was because he thought it was funny. But I've read coloring can be helpful with anxiety, and with quitting, so why not? It certainly can't make it worse, right?
You know what? It helped. It gave me something for my hands to do. Something to focus my energy on. The tight in my chest didn't disappear, but I wasn't all consumed by it. I ordered some aromatherapy stuff off Amazon. I read eucalyptus is supposed to help open airways, mint is supposed to help headaches, and lavender is supposed to help with relaxation. Found a set that has all 3. Cost was about 2 packs of cigarettes. In 5 days, I would have been purchasing my third pack. Hopefully a better use of my money. We shall see if it helps. At least I am not spending my money on something that will slowly kill me. So it isn't a worse use of money.
Bedtime was rough again. I woke up several times in the night. But I did sleep, which is better than the night before.
This morning I woke up with a slight headache and pressure in my sinuses. But I don't have the same level of emotional distress I did yesterday morning. Today I feel hope. I don't feel "good" yet. But I know in my guts that the emphasis in that sentence is yet.
The outpouring of support here on Ex has been truly touching. I do not feel like I am facing an uphill battle alone. I feel empowered. I got this. And if I've got this, you got this. We got this.
