it has been days

Blog Post created by naxie on Nov 4, 2017

i stopped smoking - decided to do it after finding this site and six days later, this past sunday - i woke up and didn't grab for a cigarette and haven't had one...and as i write this, it's friday night.  i have smoked a lot for the last 17 years.  i mean, two to three packs a day despite having a variety of health challenges, a lack of money (and yes, it was a no-brainer to choose ciggies over healthy food) and finally, a grandchild who wants to do everything that i do and that includes at age two, watching me walk outside and happily shouting, "Smoke, Smoke."


so i decided that sunday would be my first smoke-free day and despite strong urges to smoke, mood swings that were extremely difficult and life doing what it does - a huge and horrible argument with an old friend, anxiety about medical crap - so far it's a smoke-free week.  i am not using any nicotine replacement products.  i have a ton of nicotine lozenges but decided at the last minute that i didn't want to use them.  instead, i've been using sugar-free butterscotch candies but even there, not as many as i'd imagined i'd need or want.  this wasn't the plan but hey, part of this journey so far, is that we can't plan very much and again and again, life gets in the way.


i didn't think i'd make it this many days but with all the yucky stuff that has happened this week, something just shifted.  i would think that the next bad thing to happen would mean i would need or want a cigarette.  instead, i just have felt all the emotions without smoking.  at this point, the urges have almost disappeared but i know they can come back at any moment.  the hardest part are the damn mood swings but even they aren't lasting as long or maybe i'm getting used to them.


i'm glad to have found this site.  reading the words of other people, whether they haven't smoked for 10 minutes or 10 years - is really helpful.  i'm wobbly but hey, i'm still standing.  i feel tentatively proud.