Tonight at midnight I will have made it 18 days smoke free. I am not going to lie, today was rough. Thankfully I didn’t have any cravings, I just felt a terrible, heavy loneliness most of the day. In the past I would have tried to smoke those feelings away. But now, I don’t use that as a crutch or coping mechanism. I have to deal with these feelings head on. And I have to feel them, no shrpud of smoke to numb them. It’s a strange new sensation. For the first time in a long, long time I am facing these long suppressed feelings head on. I guess it’s going to take some time to get used to dealing with them like this. I have no desire to go back to smoking, don’t get me wrong—it’s just re-learning a new way of being. It also doesn’t help that I hate this time of year. Short, cold days and it’s often cloudy or raining here. But I will get through the season, one smoke-free step at a time. I am just glad that I have this website to come to, that there’s a place where so many people have been where I am right now, who can relate to the way I am feeling. Thank you for listening and I hope all are well.