I’m having a really bad day

Blog Post created by mpnaegle on Aug 18, 2019

I am having a really bad day.  I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest, stepped on, and shoved back into my open chest cavity.  I’m hurt, I am angry.  I don’t know what I should do.  I have been in this spot before, and I have lost so many quits in this similar spot.  But this time, it hurts really bad.  I am angry. I am sad.  My heart is broken into a million pieces.  I let myself get too close to someone who I severely, severely misjudged.  I fell in love.  And he wasn’t feeling the same.  But instead of telling me he was not interested, I found out he’s involved with someone else on social media.  Are you freaking kidding me? You are 45 years old and you didn’t have the integrity or the character to tell me, before i found out by accident. By looking at your posts on Facebook.  I don’t know who I’m more upset with right now—him, for hurting me, or myself, for falling for this creep who clearly didn’t deserve someone like me.  And for subsequently feeling as horrible as I do right now.  He was the first guy I fell in love with since I lost Aaron 5 and a half years ago.  I honestly feel like maybe I should give up.  Maybe I need to throw in the towel and just stop fighting so much.  I am going to stop now.  I am not going to smoke.  But I am done fighting.  At least for tonight.