Here I am. 23 days won. $230.00 in the good old quit kitty but mama can’t sleep. Lol I’m grateful for all the extra energy; but I guess I need to put it toward some physical activity during the day, so that I can rest at night. Insomnia is bad tonight. I know this is part of the quit journey so it’s not a surprise. I guess I also have a lot on my mind, too...bills/financials, my job, and I’m going to be 44 this summer. I just bought a sporty new car that someone half my age should be driving, and I ordered a bunch of vitamins/supplements, I’m thinking about my health...and I’m also thinking—okay, half my life is gone. So I’m confronting my mortality. I think this is a mid-life awakening. I’m not going to call it a crisis because that puts a depressihg, morbid and cliche twist on it. And also, my partner, who passed 5 years ago, was 44 at the time of his death. So I might have a subconscious fear of turning this age? Okay, I’m glad I’m blogging because I’m working out all of the happenings in my grey matter. For those reading this, I apologize if it’s rambling and too tangential. I’ll try to focus from here on out. Lol.
I hope this all irons out in the days to come. But right here and right now, I’m grateful. Grateful for the ability to breathe freely, and get through every minute of every day, not having that awful gnawing urge to light up. Grateful for the people who have my back. Grateful for the clothes on my back, and the shoes on my feet, and money in my pocket. Grateful for every second I’ve had on this beautiful green earth. Grateful for the love I’ve had, I have, and more importantly, the lobrvthat I’ve given. Grateful that I have and will somehow make the world a better place in my time here. For those who see this, thank you for your support and encouragement along my quit journey. Hugs to everyone. XO